The most dangerous time of the year

We're not even all that close to Thanksgiving yet, but I'm already worried about Christmas. This culture makes me sad sometimes.


That said, I have reasons to be thinking about this stuff.


My mom needs plenty of time, since she tends to cash in rewards points for gifts. Those can take 2-4 weeks on average, so the earlier the better. Tim, on the other hand, has decided to get all his shopping done early. As in, he's almost done. We just have to find something for his dad.


I suppose I should be grateful that he didn't wait until the last minute to do this stuff. But he "finished" shopping for me the day I finally sat down and made a list of things I would like. I even used Kaboodle so that I could email a copy to him and my mom, to give them some ideas.


I was aggravated, since I had repeatedly told him the past couple of days not to buy everything, because I was going to be making up a list soon. (In his defense, my "soon" is never something you want to rely on.)


I think the overall problem here is that, to make the list, I had to let the monster out of the box. The monster, in this case, being a nasty case of the Wants.


Most of the time, the Wants are completely happy in this box in the back of my mind. They stay out of my way, by and large, while I'm trying to be frugal. Every so often, though, the Wants break out. Instead of walking by, I stop and look at things I know I can't afford. I'll take a good, long look. I'll remind myself I can't afford it, but I'll still imagine how happy I'd be to have it.


It's about this time that I realize what's happening and shoo the Wants back to their domain. This is usually best accomplished by looking at the price tag. They seem particularly afraid of big numbers and will go scurrying back from whence they came.


Once the Wants are firmly hidden away, I can snap out of my trance and realize that the purchase isn't worth it. There's the inevitable guilt that you bought something rather than throwing your money at debt. And let's not forget how fleeting purchase-induced happiness can be. It's a rush, sure, but it leaves just as quickly as it came on.


Of course, I'm not claiming to be perfect. Sometimes the Wants overrun my good sense. Or they make an argument that sounds logical enough that I agree -- mainly because I want to be talked into it. But, for the most part, I'm pretty good at reining in those impulses.


All that is great, right up until my birthday and Christmas. Those times, I have trouble because I have to undo all my hard work. I am supposed to take time to dwell on what it is I would like, rather than trying to be happy with what I have. (Yes, I know some of you will take this opportunity to point out I could ask for charitable donations in my name rather than things. I'm afraid I'm not that selfless. I like getting presents. Shallow, but there it is.)


So, inevitably, when someone asks what I want, I come up blank. When you spend all year trying to avoid temptation, it's hard to change that in an instant. Frugality is mainly about making only necessary purchases. Whenever possible, you find it secondhand or you try to make do without it. And you definitely don't dwell on what you don't have. At least, not on a regular basis.


With all that on our plate, how do we answer the question of what we want? Really, the main way is to let the Wants out of the box. All those things you've been training yourself to not think about? Let it all come rushing out in one big tidal wave of materialism.


It's hard to do. You're, rather suddenly, switching your brain in reverse -- never advisable for any machine. But you will also then see just how many things you actually do want. It can be hard on the ego, if you were starting to think that you were above materialism. I know I was a little dismayed by how many things I wanted to put on my list.


Most importantly, though, you've had to let your Wants run wild. That's not something you can easily undo. And the more things they see, the stronger they get. So I end up with a good list for people to crib from; but I also end up more susceptible to spending impulses.


I made up the list yesterday and emailed it off. No big deal, other than way too long spent at the computer. Today, though... Today was not good.


I had to be at the mall for a mystery shop. Malls are not good destinations if you just switched your brain onto "consumerism" mode. I had to make a purchase and a return for the shop. But there was a few points where I almost convinced myself to buy a few items and only return one.


Then, Tim and I had to kill time before making the return. So, of course, we end up strolling around and poking our heads into shops. I'm proud to say that I left the mall without a single item, once I had made the required return, but it took just about everything I had in me.


I wanted to go on a shopping spree every time I saw a new store. I wanted to march in and start trying stuff on. Two things stopped me: A small amount of budgeting sanity that remained and, mostly, not having enough energy to bother wriggling in and out of clothes.


At one point, I even ended up looking around in a jewelry store. I've taught myself not to go in those anymore. I don't wear jewelry often enough and, most importantly, I get sad when I have to leave all the pretty sparkly stuff behind. But there I was, looking through the cases.


I even asked about the prices on a couple of items. I have no idea why. Even if they had been $30 -- and they weren't -- we're really not in a position to spend money unnecessarily. I guess I just wanted to entertain the fantasy that I might buy them. But that always just makes it worse.


The thing is, I know it's only going to get worse as the season progresses. All the sales and the ads for the sales... On the TV, on the radio, in the newspaper, in store windows, on banners or sandwich boards. It's relentless. No matter where you go in this society, you end up saturated with consumerism. And that stuff doesn't wash off easily.


And it's not just personal greed that will doom you. Trying to buy for others, it's easy to get swept away. You want to buy more gifts, nicer gifts. Nothing is ever enough.


So what do we do? I wish I had some sage advice for you here. I'm sure lots of frugal articles are out there with all sorts of peppy advice:

1. Avoid malls. "If you don't see it, you can't want it."
2. Focus. "If you have to go to a store, go only there and then only to the department you need. The more you look around, the more you'll leave with."
   
3. Write it down. "Make a list of presents for each person. Do not deviate from that list. Do not buy extra gifts. Remind yourself that what you have listed is plenty."
   
4. Tie up those purse strings. "Have your budget laid out, and know what things cost -- and what you want to pay for them. Do not allow yourself to go over budget for 'just one little thing' because that little trickle can easily become a roaring river."
   

That all sounds great, honestly. Unless, of course, you're human.

1. Avoid malls? If you have to buy any presents at all, you'll probably need to go to a mall. You might be able to do it online; but there are plenty of ads there, too. And the stores' websites are only a click away.
   
2. Focus? I don't care if you put blinders on, you will still see something that catches your eye. Stores set up displays specifically for that purpose. If your poor attention span, doesn't get you, smart marketing ploys probably will.
3. Write it down? Has anyone ever created a perfect gift list from the comfort of home? I know I haven't. Some people are completely impossible to shop for in the abstract. You just have to wander around until you see something that calls to you. And what if the store is out of the items you wanted to buy? Now you're stuck at a mall with no agenda! How will you survive?!
4. Purse strings? This one might be possible, assuming you pay only in cash. It's hard to go over your budget if there are no more bills to use. Even so, you have stores working against you. You'll probably find some little item on your way to the register that is just sooo great for Aunt Jane. And you already got her a gift, but this is just perfect and you have to get it. And it's only a couple of dollars, so it's no big deal. Unless you left your credit cards at home, you'll probably get it.

The thing about being a pessimist: You're always prepared for the worst, and you get to be pleasantly surprised if you turn out to be wrong.


That said, there are still no obvious solutions to help deal with the holiday excess. I guess you could watch A Christmas Carol and other lesson-laden movies every night to remind yourself about the true meaning of Christmas. Personally, I don't think I could handle it.


My mom is a big fan of adopting a kid or family for the holidays. You find out their needs and supply some presents. It's a good reminder that some people are just overjoyed to be getting a warm coat or a single toy.


That's probably a lot better for your karma than my method. This year, I'm choosing to look at our credit card balances every time I get the urge to get someone "just one more little thing." I can't say it'll work 100%, but, as I said, the Wants seem afraid of big numbers.


What do you do to calm down your consumerism during the holidays?

Oh, yeah, that's why I don't drink much...

This is not going to be an award-winning post. Currently, I'm having trouble forming whole words. And my mouth is like the Sahara, despite my periodic gulping of water.


Here's the deal: My mother-in-law has a practically-family friend Judy. They grew up together and are best friends. This is true to the extent that Judy's kids are considered 'cousins' of Tim and his brother.


So when Judy's mom had an 85th birthday party (though I questioned the idea of a surprise party for an 85-year-old woman, since it's practically the start of a bad joke) we needed to be there.


But the additional treat (besides getting a whole table of food laid out for us for the second time in three days) was that Judy's daughter Patty was able to attend at the last minute. Tim never gets to see her, so we naturally decided we should go out.


As you can guess from the title of this post, we whooped it up. It ended up being me, Tim, Patty, her boyfriend, Shannon (Judy's oldest daughter) and Shannon's husband. And since I wasn't driving for a change, I decided to go ahead and do some drinking.


We found some affordable well drinks, so that we could have fun without going overboard on cost. All this would have been fine except:

1. Since I am usually driving, Tim hasn't really seen me really, really drunk.
2. The earlier party was at 2 p.m. And since we woke up late, we didn't have breakfast. And since the party ended around 5 p.m., we didn't really have dinner either. After the party, we scooted back up to the in-laws' place and got ready to go out, thereby skipping supper.
3. Tim didn't know that, if someone keeps handing me drinks, I'll keep drinking them and forget to keep track.

I think you see where this is going. Things got a little hazy toward the end of the night. I know we did a very badly organized group rendition of Love Shack, which is the first time I have ever actually agreed to do karaoke. So I must have been plowed!


I will spare you lurid details about Tim and I getting sick, given that it was rather well deserved. We finally passed out a bit before 4 a.m. Then I woke up at 9 with a painfully dry mouth but also a head apparently set on "spin" cycle.


Every time I moved my head, I was distinctly uncomfortable. Thinking it was dehydration, I gulped a couple of mugfuls of water for as long as I could actually remain vertical. Then I went back to bed, only to be reminded that alcohol exacerbates Restless Leg Syndrome something nasty.


So I ended up out in the living room, still chugging water whenever I could get to my feet, and watching TV. Eventually I even had enough brain power to realize that, since water wasn't working, a completely empty stomach might be to blame.


I felt better enough to drive home, but after getting home, I started getting dizzy again. Being a bright girl, this time I ingested water and food. (I was an honors student, you see.) Luckily, Tim came to the rescue and walked down to the corner store to pick up some Gatorade.


I'm finally about back to normal. Still woozy, though, and reminded why I don't drink heavily anymore. Always good to remember these sorts of things.


Meanwhile, I'm back in Seattle. Presents were well received by all, except for the three items that didn't arrive in time thanks to the crummy weather. Sigh.


The other big present missing was our gift for Tim's parents. The $50 gift card didn't arrive in time. I had a $25 gift card, so we decided to just eat the cost. Then I found out that pretty much every store near us and his parents had the things sold out.


Wasn't this going to be the Christmas where no one was buying? There were a few different items I was looking at right before the 25th, all of which were practically sold out.


Some people think the stores underestimated the demand. I think that once again people's consumerism got away from them. I read an awful lot of PF blogs by frugal folks gleefully hitting the stores' desperation sales.


In the end, I printed out a picture of the device and wrote "Coming soon..."


Did anyone else have to do the IOU thing for presents?


I'm going to toddle back to bed, after another glass of water. Hope everyone had a good holiday. Now back to work -- for two and a half days.