How much have we really learned?

The Nation Retail Federation released the numbers from Black Friday weekend. And people are not optimistic. Apparently, the American consumer just isn't consuming the way he used to.


More people came out this year -- 195 million, compared to last year's 172 million -- but people spent less. And this fills retailers with additional worry that sales won't be up to even their lowered expectations.


The precipitous drop in spending? A whopping $29.16. (Last year it was $372.47, this year $343.31.)


I hate to nitpick about details, but I'd like to make a quick point here:

• Average spending amount is down 8 percent per person
• Number of people spending is up 13.4%
• That means the retailers made more money than last year

That said, if I were a retailer, I would be worried -- just not for the same reasons. People are concerned that shoppers spent less, whereas I'd be worried that more people bothered going out on Black Friday. To me, that means more people are looking for good deals, hoping to spend less (and get shopping done earlier) this holiday season.


This all sounds like such a hopeful thing. People are spending less (okay, only $30 less, on average, but it's something right?) and trying to cash in on available savings. Maybe they've finally had the epiphany. Maybe they finally get it.


So does this mean that Americans are finally learning to keep to a budget when it comes to holiday shopping? In short, no.


What this means is that, even as jobs continue to vanish, even as average families await any sign of the economic upswing, American shoppers will go out (or online) and spend almost $350. Over a four-day period.


Okay, so the $343 is an average. This means that some people spent less. I, for example, spent a whopping $51 on Friday and have yet to get anything else. But an average also means that plenty of people spent more. Some probably spent much, much more.


It's important to note that a lot of people took advantage of discounts on large appliances. That does help explain some of the spending. On the other hand,almost one-third of the 5,000 people surveyed had bought toys. So it's pretty clear that not all sales were ranges or washer/dryers.


Oh, and let's not forget that prices have dropped since last year on many items. Xbox 360 and PS3 consoles both decreased by $100, to make themselves more appealing. And Wal-Mart was selling Nintendo DS systems for $70 less than retail. In other words, people could have been just as rampantly consumerist as last year, but simply had a smaller total.


The really great news, though? Roughtly 40 percent of those surveyed said they were 10 percent -- or less -- done with their holiday shopping. That's hundreds of dollars more spending!


So, assuming this survey is representative (and it's supposed to be, with a 1.4 percent margin of error) then Americans are spending about as blindly as they have in the past. To be more precise, this survey tells us that about 72 percent of Americans have done less than half of their gift buying. After spending, on average, almost $350 in the last five days.


All of this is disheartening enough, but you know what's more? It's going to get worse.


I know it is because, every single year, people swear up and down that they're going to rein in their spending. This year, they say, they're going to keep the number of presents smaller. And they don't.


They go over budget, they take advantage of too many sales, or they just get that last-minute panic most of us have -- that we haven't bought enough for those we care about -- and run out to stock up on some more goodies.


So what have we actually learned? I say not much, if anything at all.


More people went to trouble of waking up early this year for the door buster specials. Perhaps that means some have learned that their time isn't necessarily more valuable than saving a few bucks. Then again, if they end up s

A clutterless Christmas

Okay, so a holiday being completely clutter-free is unlikely. But it may just be something we should shoot for.


Debt Hater was venting about getting well-intentioned, but ultimately unused/unwanted gifts from family and friends. Instead, why not just enjoy the experience of being with people you care about?


I agree with the overall sentiment, though my take on it is slightly more materialistic. I do still enjoy giving and receiving gifts. So my suggestion is to give experiences rather than things.


Let's face it, there's a lot of clutter that comes with the holidays.

1. Packaging: Most gifts come in lots of protection. There's the plastic cover or the cardboard box, plus the multitude of styrofoam to keep the item safe during shipping. Hopefully, the items will be recycled. But plenty of people don't bother with that sort of thing, which means landfills get bigger.
   
2. Gift wrap: Just in case all that weren't enough, we add to the problem by wrapping everything up in decorative paper. Plus bows and ribbons. There's a bunch more clutter right there.
3. Space: Whether or not the gift is any good, the fact is that it will take up space. (I have a hard time throwing away any gift. It's my overactive guilt complex. So even unwanted gifts stick around for 1-2 years, minimum.) As the items add up, clutter is inevitable.
   
4. Disposal: As a result of the season, you'll probably dispose of some things. You might be making room for the new stuff, or you might be getting rid of the gifts you don't like. Either way, things are getting tossed. We can all hope these things are donated to charity, given away on Freecycle or sold on eBay/Craigslist. But the reality is that a lot of items will just be tossed in the trash. So, once again, landfills expand as a result of our consumerism.
   

So whether you give a good gift or not, there's a good chance it will create clutter. Still not convinced? Between Thanksgiving Day and New Year's Day, Americans waste an extra 1,000,000 tons. Not just 1,000,000 tons in this 5-6 week span. No, an extra 1,000,000 tons. Horrified yet?


Oh, and for all of you who are smugly insisting that it's okay because you buy store gift cards? Well, most gift cards turn into physical things: clothes, electronics, home decor, jewelry. All things that may or may not get used, but all of which will probably get dumped rather than recycled.


Please don't get me wrong: I'm not saying that we should give up all normal presents. But how much of a difference would it make if, each year, we gave one or two presents that were experiences rather than things? I have absolutely no idea, but I'm betting the change would be considerable.


So what can you give? There are a lot of options:

• Massages: A personal favorite of mine. Most spas are having a lot of specials right now, thanks to the economy. You can find excellent prices on massages and, if the price is still too high, consider going in with a second, and maybe third, person.
  

• Spa services: Everyone likes to indulge from time to time, whether it's a facial, a manicure or some other grooming service. I'm a big fan of Salon Wish because it's so customizable. Gift certificates are good for any service (often, including massage) at any of the 4,000 participating salons nationwide. Potential discount: If you through Ebates, you get 6 percent cash back -- plus a $5 bonus if you're a new Ebates member.

• Music: Concert tickets -- or a Ticketmaster gift card -- will give a singular experience. Get tickets or a season pass for the opera or symphony. (In a similar vein, play tickets are a great gift, too.) Or simply give the gift of downloads: iTunes. Potential free gift: Swagbucks offers $15 iTunes cards and $50 Ticketmaster cards.
  

• Museums: Some places just beg for more than one visit. A museum, zoo, or aquarium pass will mean repeat entertainment, which is great if you know someone trying to live frugally. These places also tend to have special installations that change during the year, so the collection isn't the same time and time again.
  

• Adventure: Know someone who likes the outdoors or trying new things? There are plenty of fun, adventurous programs out there: kayaking, white-water rafting, horseback riding, etc.

• Movies: Almost everyone likes movies, but it's hard to justify the $10 tickets these days. A gift card will let the recipient see some films on the big screen -- or afford some popcorn. cards. Potential free gift: Coke Rewards offers AMC Theatre tickets (plus a free large soda). Regal Cinema gift cards are available through MyPoints -- or buy them through Amazon.com, using gift certificates from MyPoints and Swagbucks.
  

• Dining: It's always wonderful to have someone cook for you. But, again, the expense can be a problem. So get restaurant gift cards. Potential free gift: Almost all rewards programs offer these. (For Swagbucks, you have to get Amazon.com GCs, then use those to buy restaurant gift cards.) But there is a non-rewards program way, too. Bring in a new or transferred prescription to Rite Aid or CVS (or some grocery stores) during special promotions, and you will receive a free gift card. These are usually for $10-25. Use that card to buy something from the gift card kiosk.
  

• Rentals: Okay, well there's the obvious gift card to BlockBuster. But you can also buy gift subscriptions from Netflix or Blockbuster Online. You can buy 1 month or more, and give the gift of home entertainment. Don't forget that there are also video game rental services, such as GameFly. If you know someone with a disability -- especially one that causes fatigue -- this sort of thing can be a great way to avoid trips out and late fees.
  

• Gaming: Have an Xbox 360 player on your list? You can buy gift cards for Xbox Live. These come in the form of points (which players use to buy special equipment or to download games) or a subscription, which lets players access online content and play with other Xbox Live users around the world. Potential free gift: Swagbucks offers Xbox Live points cards. MyPoints offers GameStop gift cards, and you can use that to buy points in the store. Amazon.com sells both Xbox Live points and subscriptions. Get Amazon GCs through MyPoints or Swagbucks.
  

• Classes: I mainly think of things like yoga or aerobics. You can, of course, buy things like cooking classes (though I'd be careful of misinterpretations on that one) or language courses. Perhaps a creative writing class to help an aspiring author hone his or her craft. Don't forget that there are plenty of affordable classes at Joann Fabrics or Michael's. Tell the recipient to choose a class the two of you can attend, and the materials and class costs are on you!
  

None of these ideas will leave physical clutter behind. (Except, perhaps, your Joann class if you knit a scarf or sew a skirt.) But the lack of something tangible doesn't diminish the gift's value. It creates a memory (preferably, a good one) which will last a lot longer than some chotchke you picked up at a crafts fair. And there's no need to find room to store or display it.


Of course, this is hardly an exhaustive list. Feel free to share your own ideas here!

Some new reasons to call it Black Friday

"Black Friday." It's a well-known phrase, and there are plenty of reasons for the name. If you haven't heard them, then you better check out the PF Blogosphere more carefully, because at least two bloggers covered the subject.


So, we know why it's called "Black Friday," but surely we can think of a few more fun explanations, can't we?


Black is:

1. The sky, because it's not even 5 a.m. and sane people are still sleeping
2. The color of the circles under your eyes from getting up so early
   
3. The bruise on your wallet from your "Oh, but it's so cheap!" spending
4. Your mood as you stand in line and move only incrementally.
   
5. The color of the ink you'll be fingerprinted with. (You probably shouldn't have punched that lady over the last of the $170 netbooks.)

Kidding aside, most of us have a love/hate relationship with Black Friday. The deals are so enticing, but the lines and crowds make us wonder if it's worthwhile.


It was for me -- if only barely. At Wal-Mart, my line took over 90 minutes. (Later, we found out people had been letting their friends in line. And here I thought "cuts" ended in elementary school.)


Then again, I got an HP all-in-one printer for $25. I have missed having a scanner lately -- you use it for a surprising number of things, especially if you mystery shop -- but I didn't want to spend too much. I also picked up some Rubbermaid containers for $7. We don't have a lot of stuff to put the leftovers in.


We also got some good deals at GameStop. I wanted Tim to have a protective case for his PSP, and the store offered one in a travel kit for $9.99. It also comes with a car adapter, which is handy. There was a Dax and Jaxter game for $6.99 that I picked up, as well. Later, Tim used store credit to take advantage of the "Buy 2, Get 1 Free" sale on used games.


So, for $54, we came away with a printer/scanner/copier, 15 Rubbermaid containers, a travel kit with case, adapter, headphones, and 4 PSP games. To me, that's worth a little sleep deprivation and even a bit of claustrophobia as the crowds press in.


What about you guys? Did you make forays into the wilderness that is Black Friday?

Who actually gives a car as a gift?

Two more days, folks. That's all we get until it's officially the mad rush for Christmas/winter holiday shopping. Okay, let's be honest -- it's all pretty much geared toward Christmas.


I'm not the biggest fan of crass commercialism to begin with. But the severe onslaught of ads are nearly painful. We're all pummeled with the commercials touting the latest stuff we need. (Perhaps most annoying is that so much of it does seem cool -- or at least enchantingly shiny.)


Still, I save my true hatred for the ridiculous luxury commercials. You know the ones: A husband surprises his wife with some pricey jewelry (ie, $500-1,000... or maybe more) or a shiny new Lexus or Mercedes. (It's never a Hyundai or Kia. I guess if you're going to go big, you should at least get some leather seats -- with seat warmers -- for your trouble.)


The jewelry, I guess I understand. I still think that's a lot of dough to put on one present (and it's never the only present the woman gets, is it?) but assuming you keep the price reasonable, I suppose you could sock away enough money over time to "surprise" her. Although I wonder if most men don't just put it on a credit card, like a true American, and worry about paying for it later.


The thing is, once you're a couple, it's hard to buy big presents without letting your spouse know just how much you spent. And that can be a bad thing. Especially if your spouse is as uptight about money as I am. (Tim, stop nodding!)


Of course, I have always kind of wondered about gift-giving in serious relationships. If you are pooling most of your resources, how much is your partner or spouse actually "buying" you a gift? It seems like (s)he gets all the good credit for purchasing something, even though it was probably bought with funds from both people.


I know that's terribly unromantic. Perhaps I'm just too much of a control freak (Tim, you're nodding again) to really enjoy a large "surprise" gift. I can't really imagine being 100% delighted by the notion that hundreds of dollars of our money got spent by you, without my getting any input -- and that I'm supposed to be grateful for it.


That's why I have a particularly hard time understanding the ads where a car sits in the driveway with a big bow on it.


The inner nit-pick in me piles on the practical concerns:

• How did it get there without her noticing?
  
• Wouldn't she have heard it pull into the driveway?
  
• Did the car company deliver it in the middle of the night?
  
• How would they know when she's asleep and it's safe?
  
• Does that mean the husband gets a walkie-talkie and gets to say things like "The bear is in hibernation" and "Roger" and "Over"?
  
• And, most importantly, who ties that bow, and how does it stay so perfect overnight?

But those are questions probably best left for another day. For now, let's keep the focus on finance, where the real puzzle is how anyone ever manages to surprise a partner with such a big purchase.


Yes, I know some couples have separate accounts. But does anyone keep accounts so separate that they can afford a down payment for a car -- let alone the whole cost -- without arousing suspicion?


Let's face it: More couples have joint accounts than separate ones. I really have no idea how you'd sneak out more than a thousand or two without arousing suspicion. Heck, in most households, getting more than $200 could land you in a pretty big argument.


Another thing to consider? You're not really buying a car. You're buying debt, albeit in a very attractive form. (And most debt won't get 0 to 60 so quickly! Unless you're talking about a credit card's APR.)


So all that money you spent on your thoughtful gift? That was just an introduction to more spending. In all likelihood, you just bought yourself at least two years' worth of monthly payments. Plus your insurance will go up since you have a new car.


Oh, and let's not forget the leverage lost when the salesman finds out it's a gift. If you're buying something that important, you're probably sticking to one specific car type that your partner wants. That means the salesman knows you're unlikely to walk away.


It also means you'll be hard pressed to deny a lot of the extras. No one really wants to say, "Merry Christmas! Look how generous I am! Oh, but on-board GPS was extra so I told them not to bother."


So to sum up:

1. You just took thousands of dollars away from our other goals.
2. You spent money that we earned together.
3. You didn't let me in on the bargaining process
4. You didn't have many bargaining options, so you probably didn't get a great deal.
5. You've increased our overall debt levels.
6. And now we have to add monthly payments to our budget.

And you want to get credit for this as a good thing?




Has anyone ever even met a person who got a car as a present? Does this kind of thing really happen? And what's the biggest gift you ever got from a partner or spouse?

Christmas shopping is DONE!

Yeah, that's right. I'm done.


Tim still needs to pick out something for his dad, which I may have input on. Then there's his mom's best friend and best friend's husband. They check in on her and try to help her out all the time. We want to get them something to tell them we appreciate everything they do. But Tim knows them better, so he'll probably be coming up with those gifts too.


So now all I have to do is sit back and try not to buy anything else for the holidays.


Perhaps easier said than done. There are plenty of pretty, glossy Black Friday ads for the ogling. (Although it helps to have already scoured most of them online, so I'm somewhat inured to the sales' siren song.) And there will be 999,999 sales between Black Friday and Christmas Eve. So temptation will be all around.


Still, my resolve is a lot less flexible this year. I think part of it is basic paranoia about our financial future. If (when) my job ends, things will get very, very lean. So, as much as I want to spend an extra $30 to get Tim this collectible -- and trust me, I hemmed and hawed and tried to rationalize for the better part of two weeks -- I just can't bring myself to go over budget this year. Which says a lot, with Black Friday looming. Plus, it's hard/dangerous to say no to Vader.


I'm not promising to stay in for all of Black Friday. There are a few things I would like to get for the house: an extra slow cooker, some food containers for leftovers, etc. And there are some $20-25 trees that look promising, some of which are even some are even not pre-lit.


But gift shopping for Tim? Done! Mom? Done! All that's left is getting the ingredients (and energy) for Christmas cookies. I'm a big fan of cookies as gifts. Beyond the obvious affordability issue, there's less pressure when you give cookies. If you get someone a gift, if he didn't get you one, there is a mad rush of guilt and apologies and generally awkward feelings. But most people can take cookies without any guilt, except about their waistline.


On that subject... Many of you probably have friends who are bound and determined to lose weight. This is especially hard during the holidays, which leads to the ultimate in frugal gifts: the gift of nothing.


Seriously. One year two friends, who were also roommates, were really serious about losing weight. So I told them that my gift that year was NOT giving them Christmas cookies. They actually thanked me!


I suppose, in that situation, the reply, "Oh but I didn't get you anything!" takes on a positive meaning.


So what are your gifting plans? What's your budget? Are you using rewards programs to help finance this holiday season? How many more gifts do you need to get? (And how many more will you actually get?)

The most dangerous time of the year

We're not even all that close to Thanksgiving yet, but I'm already worried about Christmas. This culture makes me sad sometimes.


That said, I have reasons to be thinking about this stuff.


My mom needs plenty of time, since she tends to cash in rewards points for gifts. Those can take 2-4 weeks on average, so the earlier the better. Tim, on the other hand, has decided to get all his shopping done early. As in, he's almost done. We just have to find something for his dad.


I suppose I should be grateful that he didn't wait until the last minute to do this stuff. But he "finished" shopping for me the day I finally sat down and made a list of things I would like. I even used Kaboodle so that I could email a copy to him and my mom, to give them some ideas.


I was aggravated, since I had repeatedly told him the past couple of days not to buy everything, because I was going to be making up a list soon. (In his defense, my "soon" is never something you want to rely on.)


I think the overall problem here is that, to make the list, I had to let the monster out of the box. The monster, in this case, being a nasty case of the Wants.


Most of the time, the Wants are completely happy in this box in the back of my mind. They stay out of my way, by and large, while I'm trying to be frugal. Every so often, though, the Wants break out. Instead of walking by, I stop and look at things I know I can't afford. I'll take a good, long look. I'll remind myself I can't afford it, but I'll still imagine how happy I'd be to have it.


It's about this time that I realize what's happening and shoo the Wants back to their domain. This is usually best accomplished by looking at the price tag. They seem particularly afraid of big numbers and will go scurrying back from whence they came.


Once the Wants are firmly hidden away, I can snap out of my trance and realize that the purchase isn't worth it. There's the inevitable guilt that you bought something rather than throwing your money at debt. And let's not forget how fleeting purchase-induced happiness can be. It's a rush, sure, but it leaves just as quickly as it came on.


Of course, I'm not claiming to be perfect. Sometimes the Wants overrun my good sense. Or they make an argument that sounds logical enough that I agree -- mainly because I want to be talked into it. But, for the most part, I'm pretty good at reining in those impulses.


All that is great, right up until my birthday and Christmas. Those times, I have trouble because I have to undo all my hard work. I am supposed to take time to dwell on what it is I would like, rather than trying to be happy with what I have. (Yes, I know some of you will take this opportunity to point out I could ask for charitable donations in my name rather than things. I'm afraid I'm not that selfless. I like getting presents. Shallow, but there it is.)


So, inevitably, when someone asks what I want, I come up blank. When you spend all year trying to avoid temptation, it's hard to change that in an instant. Frugality is mainly about making only necessary purchases. Whenever possible, you find it secondhand or you try to make do without it. And you definitely don't dwell on what you don't have. At least, not on a regular basis.


With all that on our plate, how do we answer the question of what we want? Really, the main way is to let the Wants out of the box. All those things you've been training yourself to not think about? Let it all come rushing out in one big tidal wave of materialism.


It's hard to do. You're, rather suddenly, switching your brain in reverse -- never advisable for any machine. But you will also then see just how many things you actually do want. It can be hard on the ego, if you were starting to think that you were above materialism. I know I was a little dismayed by how many things I wanted to put on my list.


Most importantly, though, you've had to let your Wants run wild. That's not something you can easily undo. And the more things they see, the stronger they get. So I end up with a good list for people to crib from; but I also end up more susceptible to spending impulses.


I made up the list yesterday and emailed it off. No big deal, other than way too long spent at the computer. Today, though... Today was not good.


I had to be at the mall for a mystery shop. Malls are not good destinations if you just switched your brain onto "consumerism" mode. I had to make a purchase and a return for the shop. But there was a few points where I almost convinced myself to buy a few items and only return one.


Then, Tim and I had to kill time before making the return. So, of course, we end up strolling around and poking our heads into shops. I'm proud to say that I left the mall without a single item, once I had made the required return, but it took just about everything I had in me.


I wanted to go on a shopping spree every time I saw a new store. I wanted to march in and start trying stuff on. Two things stopped me: A small amount of budgeting sanity that remained and, mostly, not having enough energy to bother wriggling in and out of clothes.


At one point, I even ended up looking around in a jewelry store. I've taught myself not to go in those anymore. I don't wear jewelry often enough and, most importantly, I get sad when I have to leave all the pretty sparkly stuff behind. But there I was, looking through the cases.


I even asked about the prices on a couple of items. I have no idea why. Even if they had been $30 -- and they weren't -- we're really not in a position to spend money unnecessarily. I guess I just wanted to entertain the fantasy that I might buy them. But that always just makes it worse.


The thing is, I know it's only going to get worse as the season progresses. All the sales and the ads for the sales... On the TV, on the radio, in the newspaper, in store windows, on banners or sandwich boards. It's relentless. No matter where you go in this society, you end up saturated with consumerism. And that stuff doesn't wash off easily.


And it's not just personal greed that will doom you. Trying to buy for others, it's easy to get swept away. You want to buy more gifts, nicer gifts. Nothing is ever enough.


So what do we do? I wish I had some sage advice for you here. I'm sure lots of frugal articles are out there with all sorts of peppy advice:

1. Avoid malls. "If you don't see it, you can't want it."
2. Focus. "If you have to go to a store, go only there and then only to the department you need. The more you look around, the more you'll leave with."
   
3. Write it down. "Make a list of presents for each person. Do not deviate from that list. Do not buy extra gifts. Remind yourself that what you have listed is plenty."
   
4. Tie up those purse strings. "Have your budget laid out, and know what things cost -- and what you want to pay for them. Do not allow yourself to go over budget for 'just one little thing' because that little trickle can easily become a roaring river."
   

That all sounds great, honestly. Unless, of course, you're human.

1. Avoid malls? If you have to buy any presents at all, you'll probably need to go to a mall. You might be able to do it online; but there are plenty of ads there, too. And the stores' websites are only a click away.
   
2. Focus? I don't care if you put blinders on, you will still see something that catches your eye. Stores set up displays specifically for that purpose. If your poor attention span, doesn't get you, smart marketing ploys probably will.
3. Write it down? Has anyone ever created a perfect gift list from the comfort of home? I know I haven't. Some people are completely impossible to shop for in the abstract. You just have to wander around until you see something that calls to you. And what if the store is out of the items you wanted to buy? Now you're stuck at a mall with no agenda! How will you survive?!
4. Purse strings? This one might be possible, assuming you pay only in cash. It's hard to go over your budget if there are no more bills to use. Even so, you have stores working against you. You'll probably find some little item on your way to the register that is just sooo great for Aunt Jane. And you already got her a gift, but this is just perfect and you have to get it. And it's only a couple of dollars, so it's no big deal. Unless you left your credit cards at home, you'll probably get it.

The thing about being a pessimist: You're always prepared for the worst, and you get to be pleasantly surprised if you turn out to be wrong.


That said, there are still no obvious solutions to help deal with the holiday excess. I guess you could watch A Christmas Carol and other lesson-laden movies every night to remind yourself about the true meaning of Christmas. Personally, I don't think I could handle it.


My mom is a big fan of adopting a kid or family for the holidays. You find out their needs and supply some presents. It's a good reminder that some people are just overjoyed to be getting a warm coat or a single toy.


That's probably a lot better for your karma than my method. This year, I'm choosing to look at our credit card balances every time I get the urge to get someone "just one more little thing." I can't say it'll work 100%, but, as I said, the Wants seem afraid of big numbers.


What do you do to calm down your consumerism during the holidays?

How much WILL you treat?

It's the big day folks. Next to Christmas, I'm betting this is kids' favorite day. You get to wear special clothes AND get candy? Pure heaven! (Although this begs the question: How did it become such a grand old tradition to send our kids out into the night, instructing them go door-to-door begging strangers for stuff? And threatening them with a trick if they didn't comply!)


Moral qualms aside, I usually enjoy this holiday. The last few years, though, it hasn't been a big deal. Most of my friends don't throw costume parties, and we lived in a secure, child-free building. So Halloween has passed more or less unnoticed for four years. Well, except for all the great candy sales.


This year, though, we find ourselves in a large-ish complex. With a lot of kids. Maybe it's not a big deal. But the few kids we tend to run into are pretty horrible. Okay, I'm sure there are plenty of normal, well-mannered ones around. But there is also the group that keeps peeing in the elevator over the weekend, when maintenance is off-duty.


All this makes me kind of reluctant to give out candy. And, financially, there's not a great incentive either. If you stock up for a month or so beforehand, you can probably get a cache of goodies for $10 or less. Assuming you don't raid it when the cravings strike. But we've been cutting back on unnecessary expenses, which means very little candy. So what I do get, I prefer to eat.


And if you haven't been stocking up? You're looking at $15-20 of candy, gone by the end of the night. Maybe some people don't mind it; maybe I'm just the Scrooge of Halloween (Scrooge o' lantern?). But a few years ago, when I did bother with candy, half the kids didn't even bother to dress up. And a few even asked me for more candy! It didn't really endear me to the whole tradition.


So, what are our options? We could bite the bullet and buy some candy; we can just not answer the door (unlikely, Tim can't even let a phone ring until the machine picks it up); or we can go out. Frankly, if I'm going to spend $15-20, I would prefer to spend it on a rare night out with my husband.


Then yesterday I got a Dave & Buster's offer, buy $20 of credits, get another $20. Certainly cheaper than going to a bar. Since Tim got one too, we're taking his friend Joe and Joe's wife, Marty. They don't much like the kids in the complex either.


In case you're wondering, I do feel a little guilty. I benefited from so many people's generosity as a kid, and if more people were like me, the holiday would probably suck. But in the end, there are plenty of people who are stocking up on candy. And, if we ever live in a house, I'll probably bite the bullet. Right now, though, I think Tim and I need some fun.


Luckily, not everyone is like me. And to all those actually celebrating Halloween, I am interested to hear back from you:


For those of you who are more generous: How much are you giving out? Does it change along with finances? Have you been stocking up on sales?


Anyone who goes out with the kids: Are people giving out less candy these days? Or, like Christmas, is this something that everyone finds the money for?

Oh, yeah, that's why I don't drink much...

This is not going to be an award-winning post. Currently, I'm having trouble forming whole words. And my mouth is like the Sahara, despite my periodic gulping of water.


Here's the deal: My mother-in-law has a practically-family friend Judy. They grew up together and are best friends. This is true to the extent that Judy's kids are considered 'cousins' of Tim and his brother.


So when Judy's mom had an 85th birthday party (though I questioned the idea of a surprise party for an 85-year-old woman, since it's practically the start of a bad joke) we needed to be there.


But the additional treat (besides getting a whole table of food laid out for us for the second time in three days) was that Judy's daughter Patty was able to attend at the last minute. Tim never gets to see her, so we naturally decided we should go out.


As you can guess from the title of this post, we whooped it up. It ended up being me, Tim, Patty, her boyfriend, Shannon (Judy's oldest daughter) and Shannon's husband. And since I wasn't driving for a change, I decided to go ahead and do some drinking.


We found some affordable well drinks, so that we could have fun without going overboard on cost. All this would have been fine except:

1. Since I am usually driving, Tim hasn't really seen me really, really drunk.
2. The earlier party was at 2 p.m. And since we woke up late, we didn't have breakfast. And since the party ended around 5 p.m., we didn't really have dinner either. After the party, we scooted back up to the in-laws' place and got ready to go out, thereby skipping supper.
3. Tim didn't know that, if someone keeps handing me drinks, I'll keep drinking them and forget to keep track.

I think you see where this is going. Things got a little hazy toward the end of the night. I know we did a very badly organized group rendition of Love Shack, which is the first time I have ever actually agreed to do karaoke. So I must have been plowed!


I will spare you lurid details about Tim and I getting sick, given that it was rather well deserved. We finally passed out a bit before 4 a.m. Then I woke up at 9 with a painfully dry mouth but also a head apparently set on "spin" cycle.


Every time I moved my head, I was distinctly uncomfortable. Thinking it was dehydration, I gulped a couple of mugfuls of water for as long as I could actually remain vertical. Then I went back to bed, only to be reminded that alcohol exacerbates Restless Leg Syndrome something nasty.


So I ended up out in the living room, still chugging water whenever I could get to my feet, and watching TV. Eventually I even had enough brain power to realize that, since water wasn't working, a completely empty stomach might be to blame.


I felt better enough to drive home, but after getting home, I started getting dizzy again. Being a bright girl, this time I ingested water and food. (I was an honors student, you see.) Luckily, Tim came to the rescue and walked down to the corner store to pick up some Gatorade.


I'm finally about back to normal. Still woozy, though, and reminded why I don't drink heavily anymore. Always good to remember these sorts of things.


Meanwhile, I'm back in Seattle. Presents were well received by all, except for the three items that didn't arrive in time thanks to the crummy weather. Sigh.


The other big present missing was our gift for Tim's parents. The $50 gift card didn't arrive in time. I had a $25 gift card, so we decided to just eat the cost. Then I found out that pretty much every store near us and his parents had the things sold out.


Wasn't this going to be the Christmas where no one was buying? There were a few different items I was looking at right before the 25th, all of which were practically sold out.


Some people think the stores underestimated the demand. I think that once again people's consumerism got away from them. I read an awful lot of PF blogs by frugal folks gleefully hitting the stores' desperation sales.


In the end, I printed out a picture of the device and wrote "Coming soon..."


Did anyone else have to do the IOU thing for presents?


I'm going to toddle back to bed, after another glass of water. Hope everyone had a good holiday. Now back to work -- for two and a half days.

Holiday paranoia & other fun traditions

Well, it's officially the holidays.


Can I tell this from the lights all around? The near omnipresence of the word "Christmas"? The bell-clanging Salvation Army volunteers?


Okay, all that helps, sure. But what really tips me off that Christmas is here is my annual panic.


Tonight, I wrapped most of Tim's presents (read: all the ones that have arrived). As I looked at the stack, the only thought passing through my little head was, "THIS ISN'T ENOUGH!"


It was pure, undiluted panic. A small voice in my head told me I had been thrifty to a fault. That I had avoided spending and, in the process, short-changed Tim on presents.


The stack of gifts looked meek and unassuming. It looked vastly inadequate. The feeling was so strong, I nearly jumped onto the computer to start plotting what else I could afford.


It was all I could do to keep from dashing out the door, credit card in hand, and materialism unchecked. Instead, I focused on calming down and tried to visualize the list. When I had looked at the list, the items seemed like enough. But as covered, unknown shapes, the offerings seem paltry.


I also reminded myself that a couple more gifts are due -- this wasn't everything. Somehow, though, I doubt the additions will make the panic vanish. Especially since this happens every year, regardless of how many gifts I have.


What is it about covering gifts -- which should add mystery and inherent value -- that makes an otherwise worthy pile seem downright miserly?


Is it that I've simply internalized the retailers' message that love equals material possessions? Is it because I am always careful about staying on a budget, even for holiday shopping? Is it a fear of disappointing people? Or is it simple guilt because I'm excited to receive gifts, and I'm trying to overcompensate with generosity?


Honestly, I don't know. Probably each plays at least a small role.


Unfortunately, I think a large part is that I've been sucked into the rampant materialism of the season. I sometimes forget that Tim knows I love him, regardless of the presents I give. I forget that presents aren't about proving your love for those close to you. It's about showing generosity and thoughtfulness because you love them.


The other big part is that I like giving people gifts. I enjoy the surprise and happiness that come when the recipient unwraps the presents. It's fun, and it's great to be able to show people that you care about them and know them well enough to get them what they want. The fact that we can't afford a whole lot right now, well it's frustrating.


Of course, it's not exactly fun to live carefully all the time. But during the holidays, when so many gadgets and clothes and books and jewelry are dangled in front of us, it's a major shackle. Yes, there is an element of fun in figuring out crafty ways to afford gifts: DIY, MyPoints, shopping sales.


But, by and large, it's irritating to be forced to scale back, to separate what I would like to give to Tim from what I can afford to get him.


And when every other Sunday ad features a $200-$400 gaming system, I just get so frustrated. Together, Tim and I may spend $400 on all our gifts. To spend it on just one? It's hard not to be jealous.


So is that all there is to the holiday-gift anxiety? I doubt it. I'm pretty sure everyone has at least one moment of similar panic. Even those people who do get the $400 gaming systems.


Maybe they've just internalized the materialism more than I have. Or maybe we are all just neurotic. I'm not sure there is a clear source of this panic. Or an obvious way to avoid it.


Rather, I'll simply have to win the lottery. That way, when the panic strikes, I can have the driver take me out to buy more -- which I'll call 'propping up the economy.' Or, if I'm too tired, I can send my personal assistant out for me. Heck, if I'm rich enough, I bet they'd bring the store to me (or, at least, parts of it).

Cheap-ifying gifts

I'm always plotting. If that hasn't become apparent to you, well then you're either new or not paying attention.


Basically, my mind is usually in a default setting of "deal-searching" or "money-saving." I'm always concocting new (to me) ideas on how we can cut back or spend less.


In case you haven't already guessed, I'm fairly proud of this latest one! I call it "Cheapifying gifts." Because this is my blog and I can make up words if I want.


There are great rewards programs out there, like MyPoints. They help defray the cost of gifts (either for yourself or for others) and may even let you get things for free. Always good.


But there are other ways to shrink costs. These may not be monumental savings, but every little bit counts. More importantly, these tricks cost nothing. Some of you may already have the tools on your blog pages.


Drumroll please....



Affiliate Marketing

It's true that, as a smaller blog, I probably won't make tons of cash through affiliate marketing. But have you considered that I can actually save myself money through it?


I've already mentioned this, but, to reiterate, Tim is just dying to get an annual subscription to the Marvel online comic section. Basically, for the equivalent of $5/month, he'll be able to read exclusive, web-only Marvel comics and can go into the "vault" and access any comic Marvel has ever published.


This is ideal for him because he doesn't have to store the comics or bring himself to throw any out. He can just point, click, read. No clutter, and it's a present he can enjoy all year round. (These were his very reasoned arguments for the present. You have to admit, he covers all the angles.)


Now, hypothetically speaking, if I were to get Tim this subscription -- and I know you're reading this Tim and I'm not promising anything -- I could follow my own ad and get 6% back. (I already checked with the program manager, and it's completely kosher.) So that lowers the cost by $4.20.... hypothetically, of course.


Additionally, like many bloggers, I have an Amazon store. I also have a few gift ideas that revolve around books. If I follow my own link, I stand to get upto 7% back.


I'm especially proud of this idea because I am cashing in MyPoints to get gift cards. So if this works, I'll get up to $7 back without actually spending any money.



Cash back programs


Plenty of you are already signed up to rewards programs like MyPoints or Inbox Dollars, or even BigCrumbs. So, like me, you may have assumed that Ebates is pretty much the standard cash-back-for-shopping deal.


Not so.


I just signed up for this program, and I have to say, the merchant list is a lot more extensive than Inbox Dollars or even MyPoints.


In addition, there are merchants the other programs don't have. Plus, Ebates has a section for merchant coupons and a section where you can get cash back for buying gift cards!


I'm buying at least one gift magazine subscription, which will get 26% cash back through Ebates for a savings of $4.41.


Tim has a gift idea that his family can share. (Sorry, can't name it. His mom has pledged to start reading the blog. I'm a stickler for surprise.) But it's something we can get at Target -- which means we can get it using a MyPoints card. And we'll get $2 back from the purchase.


Combined with the affiliate marketing savings from above, that's almost $18 back from my holiday shopping! (And, I might add, technically, I will only have spent about $70-80.)


The one caveat here is that Ebates only pays quarterly. So you won't get any money back into your hand until February 15. (That's for any purchase made before December 31.) But the cashout amount is only $5.01, which is pretty easy to attain in just a couple of transactions.



If you haven't yet signed up for Ebates, go check it out. If you follow this link, you'll get a $5 referral bonus (just like I will). This won't be credited to either of us until you make your first purchase through Ebates.



A few points to consider

First -- and I can say this from personal experience -- before you buy anything online, look through your programs. I've missed out on a lot of MyPoints over the years, simply because I haven't checked to see whether a store was a participating merchant. You kick yourself for days afterwards. Much easier to take a minute to check the site.


Second, you should check among your programs to find the deal that is best in your interest. When there are good online sales, I often buy Tim's Body Shop products through MyPoints. I thought 3 points per dollar was a nice little bonus. But now I know Ebates will give me 5% back for any purchase.


I had to figure out which was better; so I compared the two. On a $50 purchase, Ebates would return $2.50. MyPoints would give me 150 points. Since it takes 1200-1400 points to get a $10 gift card, that means the MyPoints equivalent is just over $1. Pretty clear choice, eh?


Third remember that many products are available at various stores. So if you're thinking about buying something through Wal-Mart (1% back), consider checking Target (4% back) to see if the price is comparable.


Finally, you should keep an eye out for special promotions. There are times when some merchants will offer double points -- or a lump-sum of points for a specific purchase. That may change the balance. And for CyberMonday, several of Ebates' stores were offering double their usual cash back. In other words, never assume that things stay the same.

A month of hard work

Thanks to Ramit's 30-day challenge, you may recall that I got inspired to get off my keister and see what extra funds I could bring in.


Here's how I did:

• Finally returned some clothes to Sierra Trading Post ($20.07 net)

• Complained to Blockbuster Online that my subscription never changed as requested (one free month -- $19.99 -- and $15 less for a lower-rate plan after that

• Switched my mom as account holder for the cell phone and renegotiated the cable internet charge ($41 net)

• Sold dishes from my wedding ($40)

• Sold poker set ($5)

• Sold some kids' clothes/toys I had laying around ($7.50)

• Sold books that I wasn't ever going to reread ($70)

All told, the money brought in/saved was $203.96. (That's not including the $15/month change for Blockbuster, since it was supposed to have switched two months prior and was thus already budgeted at $19.99/month.)



In addition, I didn't get everything done that I had hoped to. So for December:

• Call back Dish Network and get them to make me a better offer for our service or threaten to switch to cable.

• Put the Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVD set on eBay finally. I never got around to it in November.

• Consider putting a $50 gift card from Cost Plus World Market onto eBay. A thoughtful gift from my aunt, but I just don't shop there.
  

• Sell a large bronze sun that used to hang on my shed -- and has needed a home for about three years now. (I have someone interested, but we weren't able to meet up before the end of the month.)

• Put a few more items on Craigslist that didn't sell before. (Because, really, worst case scenario is that they still don't sell.)

This probably won't net me another $200, but hey you never can tell... Any extra funds right now are wonderful. I also need to start focusing on a couple of homemade gifts that I planned to work on for this upcoming holiday season.


My hope is to sprinkle some ideas throughout the next month on various gifts that you can give that will a) cost very little and/or b) not add to people's clutter.


So I guess now we start facing this next month. It's here and the holiday shopping season is already in countdown mode.


Just remember: The holidays were supposed to be fun. Maybe we can get that back this year.

Nostalgia ain't what it used to be

The other day, I was reading a pretty polarizing piece over at Smart Spending: Just say not to Christmas gifts.


The post recapped another step in Ramit's challenge (remember that 30-day challenge I discussed?): don't buy presents this year.


Really, though, the piece wasn't polarizing. That would imply that there were two sides. Of the 115 comments, there were only a few that disagreed with the idea.


The rest were people ranting about the crass commercialization of Christmas. How they're disheartened and discouraged by it. How they agree that it's better not to participate -- except, perhaps, to buy a couple small items for kids.


Now, I'm not one to bemoan people's decision to abdicate rampant consumerism. In fact, good for them. I think people cutting back is a great thing. (Of course, Tim and I are still exchanging gifts this year. I feel like the first married Christmas is an important one to celebrate.)


That said, I have to say I'm puzzled by all these assertions that Christmas has only recently become about greed and overconsumption.


Most of the people mention small children -- so I know they are probably no more than 10 years older than me. This means their Christmas experience couldn't be that much different from mine.


And I distinctly remember the ads. The myriad ads. There were so many, telling us we needed to buy to show our love.


OK, the advertisers were a bit more subtle than that. But the message was clear: Spend, spend, spend. And then spend some more.


There were ads for jewelry, for toys, and probably lots of other stuff that passed in one ear and out the other.


The point is, I grew up well aware that Christmas was seized upon by retailers as a prime money-making opportunity. That was never in question. So if I remember this so distinctly, why don't these other people?


Mostly, I think it's about what we want to remember. Of course we want to remember a simpler time. (My mom assures me that there is a fabulous book about this subject called The Way We Never Were.)


We all want our childhoods to be more pure and innocent than they were. Just as the 1950s weren't all sock hops and sharing malts, our childhood Christmases weren't just about family togetherness -- at least, not if you watched any amount of television.


We want to remember better times. And perhaps a few families did succeed in sheltering their kids from the "BUY BUY BUY"ness of the holidays. Some families did accentuate togetherness and simple fun over crass consumerism. Some kids were probably taught that gifts are only part of it.


But, by and large, (or is "buy and large") we were kids. We wanted stuff. And we wanted it because the TV told us we did. C'mon, we all saw the same commercials, lusted after the same (mostly crappy) toys. Most of which were discarded in disinterest by the end of the week, some even by the end of the day. Transformers, Teddy Ruxpin, Hot Wheels, Lazer Tag, Barbie, My Little Pony, Nerf, Super Soaker. Any of this ring a bell?


No matter our parents' best intentions -- no matter our own best intentions -- we were interested less in holiday spirit than material possessions. We called our friends after the presents were unwrapped and compared our loot.


Christmas wasn't just about carols and cheesy TV claymation. It was, for most kids, about the latest toys and games. The excitement of the presents under the tree. Sure, we were excited about the holiday spirit, but materialism trumps spiritualism for most kids. Not because they're jaded, but because kids are big on instant gratification. If they want something, they want it. There's no weighing the pros and cons of a purchase. That's adult stuff.


So any adults who now remember the purity of the holidays and being excited about cocoa by the fire... Well, they were either the exceptions to the rule or they've adjusted their memories to suit their current needs.


There is another element to the equation, though. Maybe these people remember "simpler" Christmases because they remember cheaper Christmases.


Over the last couple decades, toy prices weren't the only things to inflate. The sheer selection of technology and gadgetry has expanded exponentially. In other words, people feel like holidays are about stuff because, well, there's even more to buy.


Granted, there were always plenty of toys we all begged for; but now those toys get more and more specialized, which means more expensive. Technology is increasingly becoming kid-friendly. Kids get MP3 players, gaming consoles, gadget-filled cell phones that play MP3s and games.


It's more and more common for kids to want/expect doodads that cost well over $100. Even the handheld games (PSP, Nintendo DS) are $129. Then you have $100 shoes and bikes and plenty of $30+ action figures or dolls.


Maybe it just seems like Christmas is more commercialized because the wish list totals now look like a monthly mortgage. (Insert sub-prime joke here.)


The fact is, Christmas hasn't gotten more commercialized. But commercialization has gotten a lot pricier.


But these same people who are complaining? Lots of them have discovered the very simple answer: You don't have to buy them everything they want. Heck, you could raise your kids to see (at least partially) the folly of giving a 12-year-old kid an iPod Touch.


Sure, there will always be some societal pressure you can't control, but, more often than not, you can instill your values in your kids. And if not, then they think you're the absolute worst parent -- meanest, least caring, most evil -- in the whole world.


Chances are, even if they temporarily go gadget-crazy as adults, they quickly get sick of having the "cutting edge" stuff become yesterday's news -- even as they're still paying for it. Then, they may just revise that little grudge they're holding against you.


So, too all those who kvetch about Christmas becoming retail-oriented, I challenge you to go back over your own wish lists that you used to compile. Chances are, you'll find you were just as eager for the latest fads as the kids are today. It's just that yours seemed a lot more rational through the eyes of a kid.

Where my trees at?

Okay, I am on the search for a tree this year. A cheap tree. A fake tree. Because a) I have no interest in cleaning up after a live one and b) Tim's allergies would be aggravated.


About 7 years ago, I got my very own full-sized tree. It was an exciting time. I'd never had a full-sized tree, since my dad grew up Jewish, my mom grew up Baptist and neither were practicing.


About two years later, my house had a fire. Ever since (except for last year, when I procrastinated too long and never put up the tree), I have dutifully put the thing together and taken it apart -- each time ending up with soot-covered hands.


Given that Tim's asthma is finally on the rebound -- with quitting smoking and a new kind of inhaler -- I decided it would be smart to get a clean tree.


But as I peruse the pre-Black-Friday sales and the previews of the actual BF sales, I notice a distinct lack of (cheap) fake tress that would satisfy me.


What I do see are an awful lot of pre-lit trees.


Why do people like these so much that they are willing to pay around $100 more for the darn things?!


The tangle of holiday lights never bothers me. So perhaps I'm just not the right person to understand. All I know is that this trend seems like a strange one to me.


After all, what do you do when the lights burn out? Can you replace them? Or is it planned obsolescence? If so, retailers are getting positively Machiavellian.


It wouldn't bother me so much, but in the last few years, I could swear the darn things are taking over! There are fewer and fewer non-pre-lit trees (naked trees?) in the ads.


It's a bit dismaying how much harder it is to find basic anything. The trees just seem like an excellent example. All the BF ads seem to feature "great" deals on fancy gadgets: large, plasma TVs, GPS devices, digital cameras, and computers -- all slightly less overpriced than normal. But still too expensive for consumers in this economy.


Though I fear that may not stop as many as it should.


I don't know about you, but I'll be very interested to read the papers on Monday to evaluate how sales actually went on the big day.


Until then, I will be scouting for some naked trees.