Everything's amazing and nobody's happy

Many of you have probably already seen this clip -- whether on TV, on Brunette on a Budget, or as it skyrocketed to Digg fame.


But I wanted to show it again to those of you who might of missed its other incarnations. For a couple of reasons.

Reason #1: This is the fourth or fifth time I've watched it (had to sit a couple different people down to be sure they actually watched it) and I'm still giggling maniacally. Reason#2: It is actually excellent food for thought.


Before I get into that, though, I'll go ahead and let you check out the clip.





Okay, are we all on the same page now? Excellent.


The fact is that Mr. CK is absolutely correct. Yes, the economy is terrible. We're living in scary times. But, really, we are living with amazing, mind-blowing innovations that keep getting better all the time.


Whether or not you think we consume too much (we do) and are overly encouraged to live outside our means (we are), you have to admit that these are fascinating times.


We have absolutely awesome technology at our fingertips. And we take most of it for granted.


This was a good nudge for me because Tim and I have been in a funk for a week or so now. You probably noticed I haven't been posting as much as usual. I have a few ideas in my head, but writing anything halfway decent has felt like a painful extraction.


We have some good reasons for being in a funk. The student loan debacle is continuing to be a blow. The last couple of weeks, we haven't been able to make any dent in our credit card debt. And, Tim got the news that he may be bipolar.


That one has been big. It obviously sounds pretty ominous. Really, it's a different form of depression, more prone to cycles. For Tim it mainly shows up in impulsivity -- sometimes he's fine, other times it's all I can do to keep him from storming out the door on a mission -- and sleep -- he'll sleep whenever possible, then will barely get any rest.


But Tim's also dealing with all the feelings that come with a new diagnosis for old symptoms: Why didn't someone see this earlier; why couldn't everyone see I wasn't getting better?


Of course, the answer is that ADD was still a brand new idea -- when he was diagnosed, ADHD wasn't even known about. And when Ritalin didn't work, they just shrugged and got him in a program where, luckily, there was a very patient teacher who taught him to block out all the excess noise that distracted him. That helped to an extent, but he self-medicated through most of his youth, and his parents just kept insisting he was smarter than the grades he was getting. Overall, pretty demoralizing.


So, Tim's caseworker over at the Dept of Vocational Rehab has told us we need to focus on getting him on an even keel. That means finding a psychiatrist (or psychiatric nurse) that Tim is comfortable with. Then we can find out for sure whether he's bipolar. After that, they'll explore medication options.


All that will probably take awhile, which was something of a hit for us. We had been exploring some options that would at least let Tim do some phone work from home. It wouldn't make us rich by any stretch of the imagination, but he was kind of looking forward to earning a paycheck.


In the meantime, we have about 9 weeks left before his unemployment runs out. There is a chance he'll qualify for one more extension, which would give us an extra 13 weeks of breathing room. If that doesn't happen, we can make do, but it will be somewhat tight.


Because of all this, we've been just barely scraping by, physically and emotionally. We're completely sapped by the most basic chores. We're both sleeping more. Essentially, we're just trying to make it through. Like I said, things have been kind of hard.


And so I saw this clip. And I laughed. That, in and of itself, is such a big deal. But it also reminded me that we need to remember the good in and among the bad.


This is a big, scary, uncertain time for us -- and for the nation in general. We don't know what the future holds (other than some psychiatist visits) or when Tim will be able to work again. It's worrying.


But.


We also have an amazing support system. Our families will always welcome us with open arms. They will always do everything they can to help. My mom has and will help us financially, though we hope we can avoid future borrowing. And if it ever became necessary, we could move in with Tim's parents.


Again, that's a worst-case scenario. But we won't ever be homeless. That's a pretty big load off our minds.


More immediately, seeing a psychiatrist will help Tim get some answers. Uncertainty can be hugely unsettling. So, no matter what the answer, just knowing will be a good start to making life easier.


Once he has an official diagnosis, Tim can also start getting properly medicated. As a depressive, I can attest to what a difference the right prescription can make. Life becomes less of a struggle. He may also have fewer swings in mood and behavior, which will make things easier for both of us.


The right medication may also help Tim's stress tolerance. Right now, it's pretty low, and so his skin flares up in reaction to difficulties and uncertainties. If he can tolerate more stress, his skin may calm down more. That could make it easier for him to find sustainable work opportunities.


We're not expecting miracles. We are prepared for the idea that Tim may never work full-time. He'll probably need to be eased into part-time employment. But it would be a measurable improvement. It would give him options.


So, yeah, there's a lot of bad things looming on the horizon. But that's only half of the picture. We have at least as many good possibilities as bad.


Most of us -- myself very much included -- tend to be overwhelmed by worry and uncertainty. We forget all of the modern marvels around us. And that makes the world pretty small. So I say, let's stop and just marvel at a few things that we all take for granted.

• We can get water from a faucet -- no going to the river with some buckets
• We don't have to build our own homes or make our own clothes
• We have machines to take us quickly from one location to another. By and large, walking is a choice in this society
  
• We can contact people simply by punching a few buttons -- either on a keyboard or phone
  
• We can talk to people around the world at near-instant speed
  
• We "post" thoughts on technology that most of us can't begin to understand: Can any of you explain what the web is, exactly, and how we can all access it, leave information on it, etc?
• We can get paid and pay our creditors without touching any money
• We can find information and entertainment practically instantly
  
• And (as a nod to Louis CK) we have made machines that defy gravity. Metal machines.

What about you guys? What stuff have you been struggling with? What small miracles (of technology or society) have you been overlooking?

Nostalgia ain't what it used to be

The other day, I was reading a pretty polarizing piece over at Smart Spending: Just say not to Christmas gifts.


The post recapped another step in Ramit's challenge (remember that 30-day challenge I discussed?): don't buy presents this year.


Really, though, the piece wasn't polarizing. That would imply that there were two sides. Of the 115 comments, there were only a few that disagreed with the idea.


The rest were people ranting about the crass commercialization of Christmas. How they're disheartened and discouraged by it. How they agree that it's better not to participate -- except, perhaps, to buy a couple small items for kids.


Now, I'm not one to bemoan people's decision to abdicate rampant consumerism. In fact, good for them. I think people cutting back is a great thing. (Of course, Tim and I are still exchanging gifts this year. I feel like the first married Christmas is an important one to celebrate.)


That said, I have to say I'm puzzled by all these assertions that Christmas has only recently become about greed and overconsumption.


Most of the people mention small children -- so I know they are probably no more than 10 years older than me. This means their Christmas experience couldn't be that much different from mine.


And I distinctly remember the ads. The myriad ads. There were so many, telling us we needed to buy to show our love.


OK, the advertisers were a bit more subtle than that. But the message was clear: Spend, spend, spend. And then spend some more.


There were ads for jewelry, for toys, and probably lots of other stuff that passed in one ear and out the other.


The point is, I grew up well aware that Christmas was seized upon by retailers as a prime money-making opportunity. That was never in question. So if I remember this so distinctly, why don't these other people?


Mostly, I think it's about what we want to remember. Of course we want to remember a simpler time. (My mom assures me that there is a fabulous book about this subject called The Way We Never Were.)


We all want our childhoods to be more pure and innocent than they were. Just as the 1950s weren't all sock hops and sharing malts, our childhood Christmases weren't just about family togetherness -- at least, not if you watched any amount of television.


We want to remember better times. And perhaps a few families did succeed in sheltering their kids from the "BUY BUY BUY"ness of the holidays. Some families did accentuate togetherness and simple fun over crass consumerism. Some kids were probably taught that gifts are only part of it.


But, by and large, (or is "buy and large") we were kids. We wanted stuff. And we wanted it because the TV told us we did. C'mon, we all saw the same commercials, lusted after the same (mostly crappy) toys. Most of which were discarded in disinterest by the end of the week, some even by the end of the day. Transformers, Teddy Ruxpin, Hot Wheels, Lazer Tag, Barbie, My Little Pony, Nerf, Super Soaker. Any of this ring a bell?


No matter our parents' best intentions -- no matter our own best intentions -- we were interested less in holiday spirit than material possessions. We called our friends after the presents were unwrapped and compared our loot.


Christmas wasn't just about carols and cheesy TV claymation. It was, for most kids, about the latest toys and games. The excitement of the presents under the tree. Sure, we were excited about the holiday spirit, but materialism trumps spiritualism for most kids. Not because they're jaded, but because kids are big on instant gratification. If they want something, they want it. There's no weighing the pros and cons of a purchase. That's adult stuff.


So any adults who now remember the purity of the holidays and being excited about cocoa by the fire... Well, they were either the exceptions to the rule or they've adjusted their memories to suit their current needs.


There is another element to the equation, though. Maybe these people remember "simpler" Christmases because they remember cheaper Christmases.


Over the last couple decades, toy prices weren't the only things to inflate. The sheer selection of technology and gadgetry has expanded exponentially. In other words, people feel like holidays are about stuff because, well, there's even more to buy.


Granted, there were always plenty of toys we all begged for; but now those toys get more and more specialized, which means more expensive. Technology is increasingly becoming kid-friendly. Kids get MP3 players, gaming consoles, gadget-filled cell phones that play MP3s and games.


It's more and more common for kids to want/expect doodads that cost well over $100. Even the handheld games (PSP, Nintendo DS) are $129. Then you have $100 shoes and bikes and plenty of $30+ action figures or dolls.


Maybe it just seems like Christmas is more commercialized because the wish list totals now look like a monthly mortgage. (Insert sub-prime joke here.)


The fact is, Christmas hasn't gotten more commercialized. But commercialization has gotten a lot pricier.


But these same people who are complaining? Lots of them have discovered the very simple answer: You don't have to buy them everything they want. Heck, you could raise your kids to see (at least partially) the folly of giving a 12-year-old kid an iPod Touch.


Sure, there will always be some societal pressure you can't control, but, more often than not, you can instill your values in your kids. And if not, then they think you're the absolute worst parent -- meanest, least caring, most evil -- in the whole world.


Chances are, even if they temporarily go gadget-crazy as adults, they quickly get sick of having the "cutting edge" stuff become yesterday's news -- even as they're still paying for it. Then, they may just revise that little grudge they're holding against you.


So, too all those who kvetch about Christmas becoming retail-oriented, I challenge you to go back over your own wish lists that you used to compile. Chances are, you'll find you were just as eager for the latest fads as the kids are today. It's just that yours seemed a lot more rational through the eyes of a kid.