Temper, temper

I did not get a good start on the day.


I woke up to a very insistently hungry cat. (We're trying to keep her food out only for short periods of time, to avoid attracting more roaches, especially after all the work I did.)


As I made my way to the kitchen to get her container of food, I killed a big, fat roach. I also saw that Tim hadn't taken out the trash. I asked him to do it right as I went to bed. I hadn't wanted it to stay so full, lest it attract more bugs.


I was stewing about that -- and wiping up the remains of the roach -- when I caught another, much smaller one. That's when I noticed that Tim had left two peanut-butter laden knives in the sink.


Now, chances are, those roaches would have been there anyway -- even without the trash or the knives. While Tim was gone, I would still catch a bug or two a day. And that was when I kept the trash level low and the sinks clear of dishes.


But my rational brain hadn't turned on. (Yes, we're operating on the assumption that it ever does.) I was tired and mad. I didn't have room to consider Tim's ADD or basic exhaustion. (The bed at his parents' house is not remotely conducive to rest.) I was just thinking about all the work that had gone into getting ready for the exterminators: how far it had set me back to stage the apartment and then put everything back.


So I threw on some scrubs, snarled something at a half-conscious Tim, and took out the trash, slamming the front door for good measure.


I came back slightly mollified, if still irritated. Then I heard some crackle loudly as I stepped in the apartment. There, face-down on the floor, was one of the 8"x10" prints Tim had picked up on our honeymoon. It had fallen when I slammed the door shut. The glass was demolished.


Talk about a reality check! Over two cockroaches, some peanut butter and an overly full trash, I almost destroyed something of great sentimental value to Tim. I realized I had once again overreacted to a situation.


Luckily, it was a cheap frame. It will be easy to replace, and he might even get a nicer setting out of it. But the whole incident reminded me about the high cost of my temper.


I'm not saying that I was wrong to be frustrated; and this probably won't cure me of overreacting in the future. It is, however, a wonderful example of just how un-frugal it is to have a short fuse.


A bad temper can lead to car accidents and fights (with corresponding medical bills). It can lead to strained inter-employee relations, which cost you raises and other professional advancement. It can lead to physical ailments, which cost money to treat. Or it can just lead you to break things -- purposefully or otherwise -- that you then have to replace.


What has your temper cost you recently?

Your parents don't owe you a wedding

There have been a few stories about weddings, wedding budgets and wedding money from families lately. I would just like to throw in my own two cents, here.


Ninja over at Punch Debt in the Face is feeling a little weird about his fiancee's family offering up a large amount toward the wedding. Personally, I think it's admirable to be hesitant to take someone's money.


Don't get me wrong: He should take it. Clearly, it makes the parents happy to be able to help. And, heck, it's free money. My mom helped out here and there, and I was immensely grateful for it. Still, we weren't given a wedding budget. We just sat down and figured out what we were willing to pay for.


The second piece about weddings was over at Free Money Finance. FMF wrote about couples' attitudes toward parents' wedding donations. In a survey, more than half of the 1,000 people said they would take money from their parents in lieu of wedding contributions.


FMF thinks that's pretty cool. Personally, I'm more concerned. Why do so many couples expect parents' help with their weddings? I'm not even clear why parents think they have to save up for/help out with weddings costs.


People, we're adults. We pay rent, we buy our own clothes, we shop for groceries. All out of our own pocket. So why do people assume that parents will pay for something as big as a wedding?


Listen, if your parents can help, great. Fabulous. Take it with all due gratitude. But what worries me is that it seems so natural to most people that parents have money to throw at a wedding. It's your big day, not theirs.


Of course, it's an important day for them. It's one they'll remember for ages. Then again, so is the birth of your child. But you don't expect them to shell out for hospital co-pays do you?



Here's my proposal (no pun intended):

• If you can't afford your wedding without financial help from your parents, scale it down!
  

• If you have to go into debt for your wedding, scale it down!

• And if you firmly believe that your parents are somehow obliged to pay for your wedding, give the ring back. You're not mature enough to get married!
  

Sleep and personal finance

We all know that sleep is important. We all know sleep should be a priority. And yet few of us make it one.


Sometimes it's an absolutely crammed schedule that is to blame. Other times, it's a night owl trying to deal with the working world's "normal business hours." For some people, it's just plain old insomnia. Whatever the reason, sleep gets put on the back burner.


Here's the problem, though: You can't be all that frugal without a good night's sleep.


First and foremost, if you're tired, you aren't going to feel up to those extra, money-saving steps. Frugality often takes a little extra work, and, when you're worn out, you just won't have the energy for it.


When you're exhausted, are you really going to shop at two or three different grocery stores for the items you need? Or will you just pay a little extra to get it all in one place?


While I know that cooking comes easily for some people, most of us can't face such a task when we're worn out. Instead, we'll probably just end up with takeout, delivery or some other convenience food. And we all know that you pay dearly for convenience in the retail world.


Okay, so maybe that stuff is obvious for you. These are things you already know, and they're just not enough to ensure you get that extra shut-eye.


But there are plenty of other ways that being sleep-deprived is going to affect your finances.



Meals

I already touched on this a bit: Tiredness means you're less likely to shop around for the best deals. So you lose a few bucks' savings from time to time. Hardly the death of your frugality.


But wait, there's more: Lack of sleep affects what our food intake. Ever wonder why you can't seem to stop eating when you're tired? It's because your body isn't producing enough leptin.


Leptin is the hormone that tells us when we're full. When levels are low, we're more prone to overeating. And when there are fewer leftovers from any given meal, the food budget suffers.


Maybe not a huge deal, to those who know how to cook frugally. Still, if you're deprived of sleep on a regular basis, less leftovers means more cooking. That's going to require more energy -- something you already don't have enough of.


So one of two things is going to happen: You'll have less energy for other frugal endeavors, or you'll eat more convenience food. Either way, you'll be spending more money. But if it's the latter, you're suffering in two ways. Not only are you paying more for prepared meals at the store (or getting pizza delivered), those meals won't go as far if you're eating more than you need to. In that case, the bang-for-your-buck really goes downhill.



Junk food

Lower leptin levels (try saying that three times fast) also means you'll experience an increase in carb cravings. In other words, you're going to eat more junk food. And that stuff is rarely cheap.


Okay, if you're lucky, you'll be able to stick to something that's on sale and that you have coupons for. But you're already less likely to shop around, so will you really be able to get all the junk food on sale?


It's also going to mean that whatever you have on hand will run out faster. Maybe you bought some ice cream on Tuesday, right before the sale ended. You're less likely to eat a reasonable portion, which means you go through it a lot faster. If you can't find another good ice cream sale, you're either going to have to pay (shudder) retail or you're going to have to do without. Neither is a very appealing option.



Inhibitions

We all know that you can do some pretty stupid stuff when you're drunk. That's all thanks to lowered inhibitions. This also happens when you're deprived of sleep. (Probably the reason that the urban dictionary now has the phrase "sleep drunk.")


You probably won't go around flashing people or other social taboos. But it does mean you're going to be more impulsive. That can doom a budget.


Normally, you can talk yourself out of unnecessary purchases. When you're tired, though, your reasoning skills are impaired. So you're impulsive and you have a lower reasoning capacity. In other words, folks, get that card out; you'll be using it shortly.


You might buy that cool gadget you've had your eye on. Or perhaps it will be an apparel purchase. Maybe you'll end up at Gameworks or a bar or a full-priced movie. Whatever form it takes, you're far more likely to spend when you don't sleep.



Memory

You're also more forgetful when you're tired. You might get to the grocery store only to discover you forgot a couple of key coupons. You can either drive all the way back home, wasting gas, or spend a couple of extra bucks to get what you need.


A bad memory can also lead to you buying things you already have. Or you forget that an item is on sale elsewhere, so you pay full price.


Forgetfulness is pretty bad for your overall organization. And just about everyone agrees that you have to be organized to be frugal.


Memory is often a key component of a career. The more forgetful you are, the more likely you are to make mistakes at work. (You're also likely to be crabby or even overtly hostile.) That's going to affect future raises -- or even endanger your employment.



Listlessness

When you're tired, you do less.


Okay, that sounds obvious. But have you really considered the implications of that fact? We already discussed how you're less likely to cook or shop around. But there are a lot of extra, frugal steps that you won't be up to taking when you're exhausted.

• That great sale on running shoes ends before you can get around to it. Normally, you'd find a style you like and get five pairs, so you're set for a couple of years.
  

• You don't think about your growing kid's clothes until suddenly his sleeves no longer reach his wrists. Then you have to look around and hope for a vaguely decent price.
  

• You never get around to sending off for that rebate because you're out of stamps. And somehow you just never have the wherewithal to get to the post office. (At the grocery store, you always forget to ask for some.)
  

• You keep putting off going to the store for that great sale. Whether it's a grocery store deal on toilet paper or an office supply store on ink, you never get around to stocking up. So when you run out, you're forced to go pay retail.
  

• You keep meaning to try out one of those coupon-clipping websites, but you never get around to it. So you pay $1 per box rather than getting it free.
  

• You keep meaning to switch over a cash system, so you don't have to worry about overdraft fees. But ever since you got direct deposit, you never end up in the bank.

• Since you keep using debit instead of cash, you can never quite seem to keep up with your account balance. You think you have more money than you do, and so you overdraft.

• You don't have the energy to look for freebies. So you miss out on that free movie preview and end up paying to see it. You don't hear that PetSmart's animal hospital is offering a free vet visit, so you take your animal to another vet and pay the $60 fee.

Health

We've all heard from, well, everywhere just how devastating medical bills can be. So it's only fitting that I mention this biggie.


Most PF bloggers have, at some point, covered just how much you can save if you are physically fit. Sleep plays a big role in that. It's linked to metabolism, which is a key component in burning enough calories to not gain weight. There is also some evidence that lack of sleep increases the likelihood of obesity.


Your immune system is much weaker if you don't get enough sleep. So you're more likely to get everything that comes down the pike. That means either missed days from work or, when more serious, doctor visits and prescription co-pays.


Some cancer researchers have speculated that sleep deprivation increases the likelihood of breast cancer. There have been proven links between women who work night shifts and the incidence in breast cancer. There are theories that it has to do with late night light, which can disrupt the melatonin production. Melatonin is secreted mainly at night, and it tells the body when to reduce estrogen. Too much estrogen can promote the growth of breast cancer.


More concretely, a lack of sleep is a stressor on the body. This can increase your cortisol levels. That hormone can create muscle loss, high blood pressure, an increase in fat storage, loss of bone mass and a resistance in your cells to insulin. It can also create a hardening of the arteries, which can be a precursor to a heart attack.



So sleep already!

So much of frugality is about thinking ahead. And you just can't do that if you're perpetually exhausted. It boils down to a very basic fact: If you're sleep deprived, you're losing money. It may be in dribs and drabs; but, just like most things in personal finance, little amounts add up quickly.


I hope that this post gets you into your PJs! (Out of self-interest rather than boredom, of course.) There are just too many financial benefits to a good night's sleep. A little extra shut-eye can do wonders for your financial efficiency.



Have you noticed a difference in your frugality when you're well rested? How do you ensure a good night's sleep?

Swaptree: It may be love!

Okay, so I know this is hardly new ground to a lot of you. But I only recently learned about this site. And I'm already smitten!


For those of you who aren't aware of it, Swaptree is a site that lets people trade books, CDs, DVDs and video games. It's pretty cool!


I sat down with a few games that Tim doesn't want anymore, along with a few books that have been lying around. Later, I'll go through and add in my CD collection.


Within an hour of making my account, I had a trade offer. A copy of Knights of the Old Republic II in exchange for a PC game I had hoped to get for Christmas. I was going to have to save up some Swagbucks for it (once Tim's iPod Touch is paid for). Now, I can get it... well... now!


Meanwhile, I've been meaning to get the third book in the Artemis Fowl series to read to Tim. For about a year now. Yeah. I ordered it from the Seattle library a couple of times, but kept not feeling well enough to pick it up when it came in. If I can trade for it, though, I'll have plenty of time to take the next step in that series.


As we speak, there is an offer out to someone on Swaptree. I'm trying to trade a novel I got for Christmas. Very good book, though I cried off and on throughout it. But I rarely reread books, so I may as well let it be the gift that keeps on giving.


The real hope, though, is that this could be a good trading spot for Tim with video games. After all, it's nice to be able to trade games in for credit at Game Stop, but it'd be even nicer to just make trades across the board.


There are a couple of titles that would be really great to find on there. One of the biggies will probably be Dante's Inferno, when it comes out in February. Tim has a rather pristine version of Tekken 6; so maybe we'll luck out.


Even if that doesn't work out, it would be a good way to check out some of the other games out there. Technically, you can do this at a video game store. But you have to trade in two or three titles, minimum, just to get a mid-range game. This way, it's always a one-to-one ratio.


That said, there are a couple of things to be careful about. They both concern mailing.


First, you have the time factor. I accepted the trade for my PC game. And found out it needs to be in the mail tomorrow. That's not a lot of time, even for people who are healthy and/or organized. So you need to have all the packaging materials in hand before jumping on a trade.


You should also be wary of the site-calculated mailing costs. I was told it would be $2.79 for a printed label. (The amount would be charged to a credit card at the end of the month.) Or I could use my own postage. In that case, I wouldn't get tracking, so the amount would be $2.41.


That seemed kind of high to me. So I went over to the USPS site and plugged in weight and zip codes. The post office says it'll be $2.07. Sure, that's only a 34-cent difference, but it still makes me wonder.


More importantly, I'm relatively sure the estimated weight is off. The rate assumes a shipping weight of 8 oz. Meanwhile, Amazon has the weight as 4 oz. (Is it weird that I looked it up? I miss my little scale! I left it back in Seattle.) So, taking the envelope into account, you're looking at about 6 oz.


The actual amount I expect to pay? $1.73. Compared to $2.79. Definitely something I'm going to keep my eye on.


Of course, I have yet to actually complete a trade. Hopefully, in a week or so, I'll have a trade or two under my belt, and I can speak about the whole process. But if you've had any experiences with Swaptree -- good or bad -- I would love to hear about them!


Has anyone considered this as another way to get presents frugally?

What is a "true" frugal blogger?

I wrote a rather-too-glib post yesterday about spending. I was called on it by an anonymous commenter. I think (s)he had some good points that brought me up short. On the other hand, I also think some of the charges were not entirely accurate.


For example, the iPod Touch we're planning on getting will be entirely through rewards program points, just like Tim's PSP. We won't be paying a dime out of pocket. So I consider that pretty frugal.


There is also the issue of video game purchases. Tim got some birthday money from his mom, which he spent on video games. The rest of the games he gets by trading in old ones.


But junk food? Clothing? Yeah, those are my own screw-ups. I eat too much junk food. I try to only buy with coupons, and I've cut way, way back on how much we get. Still, it accounts for more of our grocery bill than I would like.


And clothing: I got three new shirts that cost $60 after tax. It was a complete indulgence. It wasn't one I felt terribly justified in (though it certainly comes across that way in the post). It would be easy to rationalize it away. For instance, the only clothes I have gotten in the better part of two years were when old ones no longer fit. So this particular expense doesn't come up often. But, the fact is that we're in debt; we're working to get out. So that money could have been used in a much more strategic way.


The main point of the anonymous comment, though, seemed to be that the things I talk about -- iPod Touch, junk food, Cheesecake Factory (where we each get a slice of cake on Tim's birthday) -- did not resonate with "true" frugal bloggers.


Ouch.


I make a couple of missteps during the holiday season, and I'm not a true frugal blogger? I suppose everyone is entitled to his own opinion; but I'd be curious to know exactly what the parameters are for that position.


I proclaimed in one of my first posts that I was not the Martha Stewart of frugality. I can't be. Anyone who has ever wrestled with severe depression can attest to just how hard basic tasks are. (Seriously, why can't I make a call that will take two minutes? I don't know. Some days, it's simply an insurmountable goal.) You add in severe fatigue, and you find your options are more than a little circumscribed.


Perhaps some people believe that I'm using my health conditions to rationalize being less frugal. It's not true, but it's hard to prove a negative. Really, I can try to explain until I'm blue in the face, but it doesn't do much good. People who don't understand depression or chronic fatigue simply can't understand how much it impacts your life. So, to them, I'm malingering.


Whatever you believe or understand, the fact is that there are few people in this world with the exact same situation as you. And so it's easy to believe that a couple of details make all the difference. Of course, sometimes it's true. But a lot of the time it's just wishful thinking. Grass is always greener, etc.


I'm guilty of this line of thinking, too. There have been plenty of times in the past that I've become judgmental. You read enough blogs, enough posts, enough "how I got here" profiles, and it's bound to happen. You get frustrated by all of the benefits that other people have.


Most PF bloggers make a fairly decent living. Many of them are in two-income households -- or have voluntarily become one-income situations. Meanwhile, Tim and I have only once ever hit $40,000 a year combined. A lot of people make that much (or almost that much) with just one salary.


Or how about those couples who got tens of thousands of dollars in debt by buying to their hearts' content? Must be nice. Our debt was earned mainly because our basic expenses exceeded our income. Health conditions are expensive.


Tim also brought $20,000 of defaulted student loans into the relationship. After a year, we had to pay $7,000 for oral surgery and dentures. In and among that, there have been plenty of medical bills. At least $5,000 a year -- though much, much more when we got his oral surgery.


In other words, the grass looks a lot greener on the other side of our fence. Even with all our problems and limitations, we've paid down more than $30,000 in three and a half years. Imagine what we could have done with two full-time salaries!


So, yeah, I get frustrated. And judgmental. I have even been known to get into snobby moods where I dismiss other people as having it easy. I get annoyed by how many more corners I have to cut just to get anything like the results enjoyed by people in more traditional situations.


Then (eventually) I snap out of it. Because this line of thinking isn't fair. People with more money get themselves into more obligations. Tim and I don't have a mortgage or car payments. Until recently, we had free use of a car, without any costs, thanks to a very generous parent. That's quite the little leg-up we had. (Now, we are paying for insurance, car repairs and gas, which has definitely affected our budget.)


And I really shouldn't go casting stones. I'm frugal -- but not to the same degree that my mom is. And she's not as die-hard as people who separate their two-ply toilet paper. Meanwhile, neither of us have a garden to grow food in. So, despite being ardently frugal, we can both be shown up by others.


My point? Everyone has different benchmarks for acceptable frugality. I, for example, have no problem with spending $40-50 for a birthday or anniversary meal. Or the occasional pair of cool t-shirts for $18. (Which is, of course, not the same thing as $60 on clothing.) On the other hand, I also make sure we take advantage of freebies, discounts etc. I milk all of the free birthday offerings I can find.


Most avidly frugal folks cook a lot, often from scratch. It's cheap and it can be far healthier than convenience foods and pre-made fare. But I will probably never cook as much as I would like to. I just don't have the energy or wherewithal to deal with it. Tim's stomach doesn't help matters. It's very finicky. If he tries to eat something he doesn't like, he stomach sends it back from whence it came. So he can't just eat that last bowl of leftovers.


Our solution, then, was to keep a few different convenience foods around. Maybe he can have some canned stew and feel better. Or a hot dog. Or some frozen pizza. So long as we don't end up going to the grocery store (which adds up quickly) or ordering out (which adds up even faster), we've saved a good chunk of money. So, we've found an option that's cheaper than the alternatives. But few people would look at it and proclaim it to be frugal.


Really frugal people go to the store to hit key sales. They do sales, coupons, rebates and Register Rewards. So far, I'm only up to coupons. I do the occasional Register Rewards, but my energy problems mean I'm never sure I can use them before they expire. Meanwhile, rebates are just somehow beyond me. I never get around to mailing them off, no matter how good my intentions are. Eventually, I'll get there. It took me awhile to work up to using coupons; now they're second nature. But, for now, people might decide I'm not trying hard enough in those areas.


Then there are the times that I do something dumb, like fall in love with (and buy) some shirts for $60. There is really no excuse for it. I actually tend to stay out of department stores because of the problem of temptation. This time, though, I didn't. And I paid for it -- quite literally.


I am in the process of trying to find a balance between constantly living for the future -- when the debts are paid off -- and enjoying myself a little in the present. Often, I fall too far onto one side or the other. It's yet another work in progress, and this last shopping spree was a not-so-gentle reminder that I'm not even close to finding the solution.


So, yeah, I'm not a paragon of frugality. But I think I do okay, especially considering my limitations. I certainly think I do better than a lot of people, assuming that counts for anything.


I talk on here about free and/or cheap entertainment. There are the movie passes from My Coke Rewards. I have discussed various rewards and cash-back programs, which allow for big purchases (especially electronics) for free. And I mystery shop to get free dinners or other entertainment. Sometimes, I even make a couple of bucks off the endeavor.


For now, that has to be enough for me. That's not to say, though, that it's enough for other people. We each have our own version of frugality, a standard that seems, to us, right and fair. It's not something you can easily get someone to change. And given my recent talk of spending, I'm not really in a position to argue anything anyway.


I guess I just bristle at the term "true frugal blogger" because I happen to think too much of frugality is a case-by-case basis.


If that's not true, then where do we draw the line? What is the objective basis we use to delineate frugal from non-frugal? How much do you have to save? How much debt must you pay down each month? How much leeway can you give yourself for entertainment or indulgences before you are booted from the club?


And while you consider those questions, remember that I -- who am not a true frugal blogger -- got our debt down by $1,200 (38% of our income) this month. Actually, we paid $1,800 (57% of our income); but $600 of that covered new charges like car repairs and a vet visit for Sandy.


Now, if I can just go back to avoiding department stores, we may be set after all.

Does anyone actually pay for checks?

A mere two and a half months after moving here, I finally remembered (with Tim's help) to order new checks. It was kind of a weird experience.


The process itself was quick. I was actually able to do it online. Best of all, Chase is honoring Washington Mutual's promise of free checks for life. So the new ones won't cost us a penny. Probably the only part of the move we can say that about!


That said, I got a chance to scroll through the different check designs -- because I do that sort of thing -- and was a little disconcerted by the choices. Some were cute. Some were cutesy. Some were just pointless. But all of them were over $15. In fact, most hovered between $20-26.


Then there were additional flourishes for $4 a box. The font could be changed to something softer and approximating calligraphy. The initial of your last name could be enlarged into a sort of monogram in front of your name. And one I hadn't seen before: A symbol or statement on the check that denoted a hobby or activity.


I understand wanting to express yourself. But aren't there better ways to do it than on your checks? If you took a design and a couple of the flourishes, you're looking at over $30. For a box of checks. How often do you actually write checks? Do people actually compliment your choice in check motifs?


Of course, I know there are ways to get these things cheaper. I seem to recall that Current had advertisements for more affordable checks. And at least every other week you can generally find an ad in one of the Sunday inserts. I don't remember how much they cost -- I want to say around $12? -- but I remember thinking they weren't all that bad.


Perhaps if I were already buying through one of those ads, I would throw a few more bucks in to get some Muppet checks (Tim would be maaaad) or a nice, rounded script. Who knows? Since Chase is everywhere, I plan on taking advantage of the free checking as long as I can.


Yeah, it dooms me to boring old checks, but I can find other ways to personalize my life... Especially if it means saving $20-40 at a time.


So what about you folks: Do you pay for checks? Do you get the little flourishes?

Does frugal mean sneaky?

Sometimes it seems to me like most things associated with frugality are, well, sneaky. Sure, sure, there are the basic coupon combos. And, if you're diligent (and patient) you can actually make money off certain offers with the help of rebates. Which is, depending on your point of view, kind of sneaky -- but in the sense that we say such a word proudly.


It seems, though, like the really good deals -- the impressive ones -- come about not just through hard work, but also through some amount of questionable practice.


I'm not talking about huge sins. More like small gray areas. And I'm not necessarily interested in debating the ethics of a situation. There are plenty of frugal folks to voice opinions on morality of taking salt packets from McDonald's -- or how many ketchups before it's stealing.


But there is an element of sneakiness that skirts the border of ethics. Some would call it being smart, keeping your eyes open. Others would say it's just sneaky -- in the bad sense. That it's... not cheating, exactly. But not fair play either.


I think most of us skirt the rules more often than we realize. Those grocery deals that have limits, have you gone back several times to take full advantage of the sale? The circular has a limit, but most stores don't specify if it's per trip or per household. So if we ferry bags back to the car, then head right back into the store, are we being smart? Or sneaky? Or both?


I say both. It's a little sneaky. Obviously, the store would prefer if you just got the maximum number of products once per sale. But it's also smart, because we know the stores don't bother to close the loopholes. So, for some of us, that's all the permission we need.


After all, it would be an easy situation to remedy. Stores just need to add a couple of words, and then the rules are more clear. No ambiguity. Heck, they could go a step further and really avoid the problem by configuring the loyalty cards to automatically stop applying the sales price after a certain number of weekly sales items had been purchased.


They don't, though. Probably because they make enough money on the rest of the customers that they don't need to risk alienating their die-hard frugal clientele.


But the stores' nonchalance doesn't mean we're automatically acting ethically. After all, shoplifting could be stopped 100 percent. It would just require that stores hire enough employees to follow customers around and watch them like hawks.


However, that would vastly increase payroll costs, not to mention driving away customers in droves. So companies accept that some shoplifting is part of the retail business. Still, that hardly makes it ethical.


In the end, most frugal people exploit the letter of the rules, rather than the spirit. We check coupons and sales for all the fine print. Then we scour that fine print carefully, to find any loopholes we can exploit. I think most of us are big on the phrase, "But it doesn't say that I can't."


Currently, Tim is happily exploiting Game Stop's return policy. When you buy a used title, you have up to a week to return it for full store credit. Tomorrow, he'll be getting a fifth title. Three were returned for valid complaints. But he plans on returning the current title, Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2, getting another game for a week, then getting Ultimate Alliance again, so he can finish it up. (He checked at the store, and it's not against the rules.)


Who knows how long he'll keep this up? It seems a little morally questionable to me, but it also appeals to my crafty frugal side. It does, after all, make the most of our money. (Especially considering this is all from a credit we got selling the old Xbox 360.)


So, that brings me back to the question: Are these attitudes sneaky or smart? And do you need to be a bit sneaky to get the best frugal deals?

Using a freebie: Get what you need or what you want?

We all love freebies. They make our little frugal hearts beat a little faster. At least, that's the effect they have on me.


But not all free stuff is equal. Most of us would work a lot harder to get a free shirt of our choosing than we would for some random promotional t-shirt. Similarly, sometimes you can choose what it is you get for free. That's when the real quandary can present itself: What's the best use of a freebie?


Here's a good example -- and one that I have yet to decide:


I saw an ad offering first-time customers a free waxing service. At first, I thought it would be a great way to save money. My eyebrows need doing, and this will keep me from spending money on it. Seems perfect, right?


Except that, at a beauty school, that service will only be $8. Don't get me wrong: Saving any money is always great. But I feel like you should make the most of this kind of open-ended freebie. To me, that means a service over $10.


Leg waxing, for example, isn't cheap -- even at beauty schools. Knees-down is $25. And there are always more -- ahem -- private areas of the body that can be depilated. That kind of thing is never cheap, at least by my standards.


By the way, yes, I realize that this is an utterly shallow, immaterial situation. Nevertheless, it highlights the personal finance question of how to make the best use of freebies.


When considering the question, you have one of two options: You can get what you need -- thereby saving money on expenses -- or you can get what you want -- letting you indulge yourself without spending.



The first option is a classic example of saving money. You are lowering your expenses, which frees up money to go against debt or into savings. For example, if I use my rewards points to get a grocery store gift card, I'm lowering the amount I usually spend on food. At the end of the week or month, there will be a small surplus that I can use to better my financial situation.


The second option is frugal, but not in such a straightforward way. It's frugal, because you're going out or getting something without spending money. But that does not mean you're actually saving money. Perhaps I use that grocery gift card to buy an expensive treat for myself. This means I won't have a surplus at the end of the week/month. Still, I haven't exceeded my budget, either.


Or I could skip the grocery store altogether. Instead, I could choose a restaurant or department store gift card. Again, I get something without spending money, but I don't have extra money lying around at the end of the transaction, either.


Even so, getting what you want can be better than what you need. If you live very carefully, avoiding spending on unnecessary things, you can start to feel deprived. This can lead to spending sprees, if you get to a point where you just can't take it anymore. By getting a few indulgences for free, you can feel less deprived and are, therefore, less likely to become the financial equivalent of "stir crazy." Sometimes that saves more money than avoiding a direct expense.


So what should we choose?


For the most part, I use freebies to keep us from feeling deprived. This can be integral when you're married to a spender -- even a reformed one. There are a lot of ways to indulge frugally. Sometimes I mystery shop to allow us a meal out; I save up rewards to allow for nicer holiday gifts; I try to find specials and promotions for the occasional night out at a bar; Coke Rewards means free movie tickets. There are a plethora of ways to work in frugal fun, but the point is that some indulgence here and there can keep you on the straight and narrow the rest of the time. (Or, at least, the majority of the time -- we are human, after all.)


But there are times when you have to bite the bullet and apply freebies to a direct expense. I need some new bras, so I cashed in some rewards to get Macy's gift cards. They will be boring and utilitarian, but they'll also be free. Given our relatively short time frame to make a dent in our debt, it's the best use of that freebie right now.


Similarly, Tim's Body Shop products are so expensive that the rewards program primarily helps us stretch our dollar. The $15- and $25 rewards mean an extra product for free. That can be huge -- especially back in Washington, when Tim was going through a $20 jar of body butter in a week or less.


I suppose this mixed-use of freebies is a viable third option. Many rewards programs offer gift cards with several possible applications. Amazon.com or Wal-Mart cards, for example, can buy gifts, household necessities, groceries or some personal indulgence. And more programs are offering Visa gift cards, which allow for all sorts of purchases -- necessities or luxuries.


No matter what, it's important not to lose sight of a few key facts:

• A freebie is only free if you avoid spending money. Sound simple? It's not. Getting a free haircut is great -- unless you get talked into a $70 color. A $25 gift card to Nordstrom's means you'll almost certainly walk out poorer. (Unless you stick to one or two makeup items, or find a really fabulous sale on some shoes.)
  

• Your priorities aren't necessarily other people's. Maybe you use that Safeway gift card for groceries, but your neighbor might use that same card to get a different gift card. (Love those ubiquitous GC stands in stores these days!) So long as she's not skipping meals for lack of groceries, she is perfectly justified in having different priorities than you.

• If it's free, you already won. You got something for nothing. C'mon, how great is that?! Pretty great. So try to enjoy your freebie, no matter how you end up applying it. So long as you use it to enjoy life a little more -- decreasing stress by decreasing expenses or getting to indulge yourself without spending a dime -- then you've used it correctly.

When you get to choose, do you use freebies for things you need or for things you want? Why does that work best for you?


And -- far more importantly -- do you have an answer for my waxing conundrum?!


(Okay, you don't actually have to answer that last bit. I just wanted an excuse to use the words "waxing conundrum.")

Sometimes it's just dumb luck

I work hard at being frugal whenever possible. With some vigilance and careful planning, it's possible to save a lot of money. It's not easy, and most of us work hard to live a thrifty life.


Sometimes, though, you just luck into things.


Tuesday was one of those days. Body butter was on sale at The Body Shop. While Tim may be going through less of it down here, I know we'll need it eventually. So I planned to get a few extra while they were cheaper.


The first bit of luck was that Ebates is currently doubling its cash back at certain stores. The Body Shop was one of them. So, instead of 5 percent, we were getting 10 percent back on purchases made through the site. I am a simple creature, and just that bit of luck was enough to make me happy, but there was more to come.


Through the store's reward system, we were due $25 off any one item. Usually, we use it to get extra body butters. This time, though, Tim and I had agreed that I could get something for myself. I had run out of a lotion that really made my skin feel better but, at $22 a bottle, would not make my wallet feel even remotely well. Using the reward, though, I got the lotion for free. Free makes me happy.


I added enough body butters to get the order up to $60 -- the minimum amount for free shipping -- and put the order through. I then went to make a second order (like I said, I like to stock up while the sales are on) and noticed something very strange.


The site was still claiming I had a $25 reward coming to me. So I made the new order. Sure enough, $25 was taken off. So I took the opportunity to get one other item I had run out of and, of course, some more body butters. The order went through without a hitch.


Curious, I went back to the home page and, wouldn't you know it, the website still claimed I was due a $25 reward. I made a total of four orders, each one giving us a $25 reward. Honestly, I would have kept going, but our finances couldn't really handle more than that.


In the end, it was quite the coup:

• 2 lotions I couldn't otherwise have afforded -- one free, one for $1
• An exfoliator delicate enough for Tim's skin
• A night cream I want Tim to try
• Some facial buffers (Tim's skin builds up easily and then gets itchy)
• A Christmas gift for $6.30 (retail $32)
• And 16 body butters

The partridge and a pear tree was extra.


At their normal rates, the body butters alone would have cost $288. I'd get 5 percent back ($14.40) through Ebates. This time, though, all four orders came to $283.25, and I get 10 percent back ($28.33).


I was half expecting an email from the store, saying there had been a mistake and that I would have to put the orders through again. But the confirmation arrived in my inbox the next day, and today I got confirmation of the products having shipped.


Sometimes things just fall into place for you. You don't even have to be particularly frugal. But those of us living a thrifty life know to take as full advantage as is possible. And then go brag to frugal friends. It's what we do.


What about you? When did you just fall into some great savings? Did you take full advantage or do you wish you'd gotten more?

Getting serious

I've been living frugally for most of my life. That's not to say that I've always been the strict definition of frugality.


My disability certainly made things harder, but particularly being careful with money. Before my mom moved to Seattle, any grocery trip meant a walk. That wasn't always possible. Other times, even preparing food I already had was simply too much to consider.


But, throughout most of my life, I have been acutely aware of my money and how it is spent. I have tried to spend within reason. At times, though, just staying on my medications while uninsured put me in debt every month. Tim brought a lot more money into the equation, though there were more expenses to consider, as well. And we've spent the last 3 years together paying off his oral surgery, his student loans and our combined medical expenses.


So I hope you can appreciate what I mean when I say that we're "getting serious" about our debt reduction efforts.


Of course, we were already planning on making larger payments against our debt, now that we aren't forking over $502 a month to insurance. But we got a nice little spur in our proverbial hindquarters the other day: My contract work may not last much longer. It's a convoluted story, full of "if" and "maybe" and "could," so I won't delve into it. The point is, we don't know how much longer we can count on the extra $900 a month -- almost 1/3 of our monthly income.


I probably have at least another few months for sure. I'm hoping for at least six, which I think is relatively realistic. The kind of changes that may occur would most likely take 3-6 months to get decided, and even then they may not affect the majority of the work I do.


Even so, we have decided on a new goal: $1500 will go to debt each month. That's just over 1/2 of our earnings, so it will be dicey at times. But if we can accomplish this, we should be out of credit card debt in 6 months.


Essentially, we will have money to pay rent, buy groceries, get our prescriptions and have our in-home entertainment of DirecTV and Netflix. Up until we get back into therapy, there will be about $250 of wiggle room. But there are other draining costs to deal with in the meantime. A speeding ticket from our move down will take a chunk. We have some checks to send back to doctors in Seattle. And I need to see a dentist asap about some cavities.


That's not to say we'll be living entirely hand-to-mouth. Currently, we're having to replenish our cupboards, which is always a budget drain. Once we're a little less Old Mother Hubbard, we can scale back on groceries. And that will free up some funds for the occasional meal out. (Emphasis on occasional.)


I've already started preparing Tim for the idea that we'll be buying only sale items, preferably ones we have coupons for. This may sound simplistic, but remember that Tim has severe ADD. He has trouble knowing what he wants until he's in the store, which is to say that his cravings develop as his eyes roam the aisles. An expensive habit, to say the least, but one that he's working on.


It probably goes without saying that more cooking will be important. In the past, it's been a problem because of energy. I frequently lacked the energy to get the ingredients, let alone actually prepare the meal. Part of this was also the depression making small tasks feel overwhelming.


Here in Arizona, though, Tim is doing most of the driving, which frees up a lot of my energy. In addition, the sunshine is helping with my depression. Overall, then, I'm finding it easier to accomplish my daily tasks. That will be huge, when it comes to staying within budget.


Of course, another big boost comes from my determination to use a slow cooker in meal preparation. I find that cooking sounds a lot less onerous if it mainly involves my dumping ingredients into a pot, then coming back 7 hours later and declaring it dinner. I've already had one successful meal through this method. I cobbled together a spicy sauce by grabbing whatever we had on hand and mixing to taste. Then I slathered it on some chicken in the slow cooker and, 6 hours later, it was a tasty entree.


Besides cooking, the biggest obstacle will be not eating while out and about. There are several places in this area that we still consider rare treats. There are few, if any, Dairy Queens in Seattle city limits. But there is one about a mile from our apartment. A couple of blocks from that is a Sonic. Luckily, DQ has a semi-regular buy-one-get-one coupon in Sunday papers, which will allow us an indulgence or two; and Sonic has a daily happy hour that gives us half off their oh-so-tasty drinks. In the end, it will be about strategy rather than total deprivation.


At least, that's what I'm trying to convince Tim. He has been tethered to the apartment, for fear of going for a walk/bike ride and being stranded with hunger pangs. It's a valid enough fear, since most of his food is sugary and/or insubstantial. And in Arizona heat, Quaker bars will become a gooey mess. Luckily, Walgreen's and CVS have both been discounting their canned nuts lately. I pointed out that these would be a good, lasting snack to carry with him in a backpack. He's agreed to give it a try.


If it works, he can go burn off some energy for free as necessary. That will help keep him from being so antsy at night, since that leads to a desire to go out -- which always seems to lead to spending money. As for myself, I'm trying to get back into working out. The fitness center is mere steps away from our door. That should take up any restless feelings I have, as well as getting me closer to my goal of overall health. Gotta love those two-fers.


All this planning, of course, is not to say that I expect success immediately. It will take time for Tim and I to adjust to these strictures. We'll do our best to accomplish the goals, but there will be a learning curve. For this reason, I included some broader expenses than we are currently using. For example, we aren't using all that much gas at present, but I budgeted for $100 per month. In our first month here, we probably used closer to $70 -- and that included a lot of back-and-forth as we looked for home furnishings. And as I mentioned earlier, I budgeted for therapy, even though we're not yet back into that groove.


Still, having these numbers in the budget provides us some much-needed padding. If we come in under budget, it will be a psychological boost. In addition, I hope it will prove to be a source of "fun" money, so that we can go out once in awhile in order to stay sane.


So that's our plan. That's our "getting serious." I wish there were some pithy way to sum it up; some wisdom I could impart to you. But I think I better save any and all wisdom for keeping in budget.

Socialization, the frugal way

After school, finding friends is hard. It's even harder when you don't go to an office every day. Socialization becomes a dying art.


I wanted to make it a priority to meet new people, having left most of my social/support network back in Washington. The real question, though, is how.


Given my love of reading, I considered book clubs. It's a good way to meet smart people and have intelligent discussion. The best place to find information on those is at local bookstores and libraries. Still, the results can be mixed, even when you're in familiar territory. In Seattle, I had trouble finding groups that read stuff I was interested in. Those that did tended to not be accepting new members, or met too far from me.


I've answered a few ads on Craigslist. There is some potential there. But not all that many women in my more immediate age group. Most are in their early 20s. I still reached out to a couple of them, but who knows how many will actually respond. Still, it's a good, free way to make contact.


That's why I'm focusing a lot of my efforts on Meetup. If you're not familiar with this site, it's fabulous. You can choose your area and then various topics of interest. Whether you're a WoW player or avid hiker (or both) there's almost certainly a group for you. And it's free to use.


My main focus is on finding groups of women I can relate to. It's harder than you might think. While I don't care if the women are single, a decent number of the groups are for single women only. (Marriage-ists!) I totally get that -- being single can be a whole different universe at times. Still, it made things a bit harder.


I found three or four groups though: One for geeky gals, one for liberal ladies, one for women in their 20s and 30s, and one for couples. There are also a couple of board game groups that I have my eye on, and I bookmarked some Magic the Gathering groups for Tim.


Not all of these events are free, of course. Sometimes the organizers require $5-10, which is the discounted group rate of admittance. Other times, the groups meet at a restaurant, so you might feel uncomfortable just watching others eat. Still, no one is expected to go to all the meetings, so you can simply skip the ones that would make you financially uncomfortable. You can also make a compromise and order something small from the menu. Given the tight times, these events seem to increasingly focus on affordable deals and happy hour specials.


I'm proud to say that I already went to an event. (The sunshine here is helping make the depression a little less severe, which gives me a bit more of an energy boost.) We met in Tempe, the local version of the University District in Seattle.


It was a dueling piano bar, which was something I had always meant to check out in Seattle. There was no cover during happy hour, there were quartered, hoagie sandwiches for the munching, and any drink we wanted was $3. Our group could order 2 special drinks, each $2, but neither of them were of interest. So I sipped some $3 Lynchburg Lemonades and generally had a great time.


Dueling piano bar means that there are two players at any given time. They take requests and will convert any song to piano. My favorite was Whip It, though I was suitably impressed by one player's rendition of Sublime songs. Nothing like hearing the phrase, "bust a cap in Sancho" with piano key strikes behind it.


As the night wore on -- which is to say the crowd grew to an appropriate size -- the audience was asked to sing along at specific parts. At one point, we were divided into competing sides for "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond: One half followed the phrase "Sweet Caroline" with "Boh, boh, boh!" and the other half came in after "Good times never seemed so good" with "So good! So good! So good!" In other words, it was silly and fun and the musical abilities were quite impressive. In fact, I plan on taking Tim there in the near future for some frugal fun.


Of course, it wasn't completely frugal. I could have gotten away paying just bus fare, but I decided to "splurge." I didn't need any food, since the sandwiches were plenty, but I did indulge in 3 drinks. After tips, that came to $12.


Meanwhile, I met three cool ladies. The first one I met had to leave relatively early because she lived on the other side of town, but I hope to see her again at another event. The second was the organizer herself, who also heads the couples group I joined. The third and I didn't get to talk much because, by then, the noise had moved far beyond a dull roar; but she was very friendly. She asked if I liked to hike. I shouted a quick explanation about fatigue


Then she invited me to come with them to Oktoberfest the next weekend. They're going to carpool to save on parking, though I will probably just take the bus to cut out the middleman. While I'm not much of a beer fan, I am excited. I never have made it out to an Oktoberfest, so this should be an experience. Plus it's another chance to socialize.


Oh, and I checked: Admission is free.

The cost of vice

Photo by clspeace

As I was furiously scribbling numbers (more on that later), I had occasion to consider the extreme cost of most vices. We all have one. People who claim not to are lying (or annoyingly perfect and who wants to hang out with those people?).


When live frugally, you quickly learn that almost any hack will add up quickly. Whether you save money by reusing Ziploc bags or simply buy an answering machine and nix the voice mail, the savings accumulate with surprising speed.


The thing about bad habits, though, is that they add up quickly in the negative column. Perhaps you enjoy a beer or two after a hard day at the office. Or go out to lunch semi-weekly with coworkers. Maybe you're at the movies each weekend to see the latest flick. We all have habits that cost us.


And who's to say that it's a bad thing? A smart frugalist is one who knows that a small indulgence or two keeps us sane the rest of the time. So, while you ruthlessly slash your expenses, it's always a good idea to set aside a little money for fun.


So, what's the difference between a habit/indulgence and a vice?


Perspective, for one. My satellite TV has certainly struck some as unnecessary. But, then, most of those people are very healthy. That means they have more active social lives, because they can reliably leave the house. They can turn off the TV and go for hikes or other outdoorsy things that rapidly fatigue me. They are happy to curl up with a book after work or over the weekend. But they forget that I've got 8-12 hours to fill every single day. Oh, except for weekends. Then I have 12-16 hours. Considering I can rarely be out and about for more than 2-3 hours at a time (on a good day), that's too much reading, even for me. And I'm rarely without a book for more than a day or two.


But that's not enough of a distinction. We've talked in the past about needs versus luxuries. (And the in-between luxureeds.)


So how is an indulgence different from a vice? Well, for me, it's about choice. You can choose to indulge in a weekly chocolate bar or a night out with friends. But if you consistently go over budget, or if a large amount of your money goes to one specific habit, you have to at least ask yourself whether it's a vice. A high-end gym membership, for example, could drain the coffers, but it'd be a stretch to consider it a vice. Indulgence, sure. Unnecessary, probably. But not a vice.


All that (finally) brings me around to my own example: Tim's smoking. It got worse toward the end of our time in Seattle. Even before the move preparations began, he was going over his 5-a-day goal. A lot of it had to do with having a smoking buddy.


Rather than have a solitary cigarette and then come back to the apartment, Tim scheduled his smokes with the friend. Then they could sit around and shoot the breeze -- while polluting the breeze. (Guess you don't have to wonder where I stand on the smoking issue.)


It wasn't much better while we visited his friends and family. He could smoke in the house, and most of his friends smoked. When we got here, though, I had hoped he could refocus on quitting. We agreed that 7 was a better place to start than 5, given the uptick in his nicotine habit.


Then Tim made friends here in the complex. And how did he make friends? Why, being out smoking, of course! You can imagine how thrilled I was about that.


Don't get me wrong: The main guy, Joe, is very cool. But he's also a smoker. So he and Tim smoke socially. And now that we have a patio, Tim has taken to sitting outside to smoke, while still watching TV. (A habit I've been trying to persuade him to knock the hell off.)


The point of all this is that I'm very distressed by Tim's smoking level. That 7 a day? He's hit it once. To be fair, he was under the mark with only 6. But I should add he was up for a whopping 7.5 hours. (Insomnia had kept him up the night before.)


So, what's a gal to do? I've tried asking nicely. I've tried using logic. I've gone the less pleasant routes of lecturing, yelling and even guilt, since I worry a lot about his health. (Let's not forget he has very severe asthma.)


And before you start in on me, I know none of that will really work until Tim wants to quit. Which he does, intermittently. The thing about someone with severe ADD... Some of his convictions only last until he's distracted.


The newest plan was for him to mark down each cigarette he smokes. And each one over 7, he's started marking in red -- his idea. That's been going on for 4 or 5 days now. Each day he's hit 12 or more. This morning I woke up and saw 15 tick marks. And just got angry.


I've tried every conceivable means to get him to focus on quitting. But as soon as he wants one, it's uncontrollable. (Yes, I'm also trying to get him to take his Adderall regularly, which should help with some of the impulse-control issues.) And in case you're wondering why I can't just let it be... Well, there's the health thing. His family has a history of cancer to begin with. Plus he has very severe asthma. Two excellent reasons right there. And those are the ones that tend to worry me.


But this is a frugality blog and, let's be honest, I'm something of a miser. Combine that with being a staunch non-smoker and you can imagine how painful it is for me to see $6-7 dings on our bank account, each one for a pack of cigarettes. We couldn't really afford it back in Seattle. And now that we have to pay off the move, it's even more urgent that he find a way to quit.


So I thought maybe I should remind him of that. Remind him that every cigarette he has is expensive. It's money down the drain (or, at least, down his lungs). Nothing else has worked. Why not try appealing to his newfound sense of thrift? I sat down and wrote out the cost of 15 cigarettes and slipped it under the cellophane of his pack.


Even based on a carton from Sam's Club, the numbers are pretty sickening: $4.45 a day, $31.13 a week, $133.43 a month, and a whopping $1623.34 a year. Yet another way that cigarettes make me want to throw up.


I accidentally woke him up while trying to find the pack of cigarettes, and he was not terribly thrilled about the idea. Can't say as I blame him, but I figure visual reinforcement is one of the only ways to go right now. We had a small argument, mainly consisting of him telling me to just do whatever. I did, and then stomped back out here.


Then I remembered that he's not the only one with a vice. I have an unhealthy (literally) love of junk food. It's not good for me on a few counts, but especially because I am hypoglycemic. Nothing sends your blood sugar levels rollercoastering like some high fructose corn syrup. Not to mention the fact that I would be a lot healthier -- and have more energy -- if I shed 20 lbs.


So I did my own math. It was harder to quantify. I go through phases of specific items, and there are weeks when I don't buy much at all. (Okay, they're rare but they do happen!) Still, I went ahead and threw in the number of $10 per week. And I wrote out my own list, and clipped it to the freezer: "$1.43 a day, $10 a week, $42 a month, $521.43 a year; realistically? probably $800+ a year!!!!"


It's sobering, to be sure. Even if the real amount is "just" $500... That means there was an extra $1,500 that could have gone to debt over the last 3 years. To spend so much on something that hurts my body... It's incredible. It's embarrassing. And, at least, it gives me a slightly better insight to Tim's situation.


That said, he still needs to quit. I just need to be there, along with him, paring down my own excesses. I don't want the cost of our vices to remain yet another roadblock to debt reduction.

The shared illusion of value

Value, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. You've heard the old saying, "One man's trash is another man's treasure?" Well, that works the other way around, too.


I'm reminded of this as we go through and catalog what we need to replace. When Freecycle fails to provide, my next bet is Craigslist. But, at least out here, prices are hilarious -- inasmuch as 'If you don't laugh, you'll cry.'


Seattle wasn't great when it came to furniture prices, but at least the selection was good for my price range. Here, anything under $30 is pretty much driven by I'm-moving-and-this-needs-to-go desperation.


This disparity could also be because we're close to Scottsdale -- a rather well-to-do area. Still, I have looked at listings throughout the greater Phoenix area, and they're pretty astounding. I've seen several "great" deals on entertainment centers for $300-700.


Want a dining table? There are plenty of people selling them for over $1,000. There were 14 ads posted today for dining tables with a minimum price of $1,000. That doesn't include people who only put the price in the text of the ad.


My favorites? Last night, it was a dining table, two leaf inserts, 10 chairs for $1,500. (Owner paid $3,500.) But today that was trumped by someone selling a custom-made dining set that cost over $11,000.


But this post is more than just angry, cynical ranting about how people tend to have more money than sense. I wanted to talk about that ever-so-fun theory called "value."


In this society, we tend to treat it as a constant. You hear it in our lexicon, as we talk about "investing" in big ticket items. "Oh, well we spend so much time in the living room, with the kids, we invested in a nice couch." Uh, wrong.


Investments have the potential to go up in value. It's why a car isn't an investment: As soon as you take it off the lot, the value depreciates significantly. Similarly, almost everything you buy will lose value in terms of resale. (Unless, of course, you keep it in pristine condition and wait for it to be an antique.)


Still people treat their things as having a set value. Yes, there can be a set value -- the amount which both buyer and seller agree to. But there is no absolute value. You cannot buy a coffee table for $100 and know, for certain, that in 4 years' time it will be worth $50. Or perhaps it's better said this way: An item is only ever worth what someone else is willing to pay.


I ran into this problem when we were preparing for the move. There were things I wanted to be rid of -- but not for the prices that people would be willing to pay. Since I paid good money, someone else should respect that fact by forking over an amount based on the original price.


But the thing is, people who buy used generally do so because they can't or won't pay retail. So why on earth would they agree to a price that's dependent on an amount they've already dismissed? They won't, by and large.


So I learned to let go. I learned to think in terms of money in my hand, rather than compare it to the price I paid so long before. If I kept it, the item earned me nothing. If I sold it, I had some money back. That's the logical, rational way to think about such things.


Intellectually, we all know that, in the same abstract way we know we should floss daily, eat healthy food and never break the speed limit. In theory, we know that taste varies and that the used goods market is fickle, at best. But all that goes out the window once we start dealing in things we have paid for. And the more we paid, the more attached we tend to feel to objects. Whether it's guilt over the expenditure, a determination to "get our money's worth" from the item, or simply a happy memory around the time of the purchase, we are tied to our possessions.


That emotional tie makes it hard to be logical because we're not looking just at facts. We're looking at our own history, our own past judgment calls. While, from an outsider's perspective, it's all a basic instance of sunk costs, to us it's personal.


And so we find ourselves in danger of pricing things too far above market value. We can rationalize it, but in the end we want people to pay for our attachment to these items. And since market value is such a changeable idea, the thing might sell right away. Who's to know?


What we do know is that there are more factors than what you originally paid. Yes, the retail cost does factor in; but you also have to think about how many other people were willing to pay that price, the useful lifespan of the item and, of course, the condition it's in.


In other words, we're all very sorry that you were crazy enough to pay that much money. But we don't want to pay for your mistake. And that's what you're asking us to do: You want us to pay an absurd price simply because you paid a more absurd price awhile ago.


As I sputter, laugh and rant my way through these ads, it occurs to me that perhaps it's not just about recouping some of our money. Perhaps there's also an emotional need contained within these prices. Maybe it's not just helping to cover the cost of a new couch. Instead, maybe it's about justifying what you spent on the old couch.


If you can simply get someone to pay a decent chunk of what you did, it is like the buyer is validating your choice. If they're willing to pay, say, 50% of the thousands of dollars you spent on a living room set, this reassures you that you're not overspending.


In fact, it simply means that it's a shared madness, this idea of inherent value. Yes, things from the Pottery Barn are very nice, but I don't want to pay those prices. And if you've had the item for even one month, no one wants to pay anything approaching what you did. Finally, misers like myself will be appalled at the prices you're asking 5 years later.


It's important to point out that none of this means the people are wrong. Eventually, they will probably find someone who thinks of items' value in the same way. They will agree to something close(ish) to the asking price. That said, I could probably, if I advertised enough, find two people who agree that the grass is blue and the sky is green. That doesn't make it an absolute truth. It just means that their views of the world coincide... far away from mine.

The dribs-and-drabs effect

A huge check off our to-do list: The moving sale is done, done, done!


It was a bit of a debacle. We started at 10 a.m. instead of 9 because I simply couldn't face the idea of getting up early enough. So we had a slow start and probably missed out on a lot of customers.


By 1 p.m., I was shaky as hell (everything took longer than expected so no time for food) and dejected. Sure, people came by off and on, but there had been almost no sales over $10. I was wondering if we would even make $100. And the idea of having another sale the next weekend was beyond horrifying.


Towards the end, as we were packing up, several more people stopped by which helped pad things a little. Still, I was sure we'd have no more than $70. If we were really lucky, perhaps $100.


Instead, we ended up with $165.


This just reminds me of what I like to call the dribs-and-drabs effect. That's when small amounts quickly add up to a rather astounding total. Usually, this is a less pleasant experience -- one we've probably all had at the end of the billing cycle. A bunch of small purchases with the card suddenly become $300.


You are sure there's a mistake, perhaps even pull out the calculator. But it's correct. It's just that seemingly cheap purchases total up quickly to a not-so-cheap amount due.


It's an important lesson to remember when you're trying to pay down debt and/or live frugally: Even the small stuff can take a big bite.


That is, perhaps, the mixed blessing of yard sales. On the one hand, you get money for things you no longer want. On the other hand, you are reminded just how much money you spend on items you don't use.


We did have a few of those. The $70 cashmere sweater I got and wore for a whopping 3 hours before having to take it off. The suede skirt I got for $20 but never wore, with the $80 tag still attached. A few different things that I got at garage sales, for such is the cycle of yard-sale life.


But I'm proud to say that, for the most part, we had gotten our money's worth from our stuff. For example, at a Museum Store going-out-of-business sale 8 years ago, I snagged a Greek- or Roman-style, metal horse figurine, plus a small Grecian-style urn (no ode included) for $40. Both were on display for about 6 years. So I'd say I had gotten plenty of value from those purchases. Similarly, a lot of the jeans we were selling had served Tim faithfully until steroids meant he had to go a size up. That simply meant they were in good shape when we decided to get rid of them.


Other items were gifts that simply weren't getting used, or at least not enough to bring with us. That included clothing, tchotchkes and other miscellanea.


Still, it is humbling to realize just how many of your possessions are disposable. That is yet another area of life where the dribs-and-drabs effect hits: a couple pieces of clothing, those books you'll never reread, a few toiletries you'll never use and suddenly you've got a veritable mound of unwanted items. Not only is it a solid argument for a more minimalist lifestyle, it is a harsh reminder that even people like Tim and I are sitting on a lot of potential money.


At one point, I had tried to make money buying/selling on eBay. (Yes, yes, not terribly original.) When I sold off four of the bigger items, I made just under $200. I still have a few more to list and those should bring in another $70 or so.


Even selling my beads at prices beyond the craziest clearance sale, I made nearly $100. And the yarn that I'm bothering to list should bring in a minimum of $30. If it's remotely close to regular eBay prices, perhaps twice that.


I also listed a bunch of Aveeno Eczema Care that we had stocked up on shortly before Tim switched over to hemp. I don't know what, exactly, the final price will be but I'm expecting at least $20, hopefully closer to $50.


It's all just another part of the dribs and drabs effect. You look at an item or two that you no longer want, but you don't bother to sell it on Craigslist or eBay. What's the point? It would only bring in a few bucks and isn't worth the hassle. And, for busy people, that's a pretty understandable point of view.


Still...


What would happen if you went through your house for two or three hours? Took a good, long look at your belongings and grouped them all together? Wouldn't those "few bucks" add up pretty quickly?


My advice is to make a pile of unwanted items and then take a good long look. Wouldn't that extra $5 against debt be nice? And are you so sure that's all you'd get? If the item isn't too heavy, go on eBay and look up completed listing prices.


Also remember that eBay now offers you 5 free listings every 30 days. That's not huge -- you still have to pay final value fees and for any listing upgrades you choose -- but it may be enough to get you online and listing.


Still don't want to bother with eBay? There's the ever-popular garage sale option. Check with some friends and neighbors and you might have enough to garner some interest. (Multi-family and neighborhood sales are always one of the best ways to get people's attention.)


Or you can donate. If you're itemizing anyway, it's a nice little boost to your charitable contributions section. Remember, you don't have to list what it would go for in a thrift store. You can use fair market value. (The IRS defines this as what two reasonable parties would settle on, if neither were under pressure to make the sale.)


Donations at fair market value add up quickly. Like any other list of items, the dribs-and-drabs effect applies here, too.

• A few pieces of furniture, for which we would probably get $10-20 each.
  
• Several pieces of art, nearly all with some form of frame, $7-25.
  
• A formal (ie prom- or fancy-party worthy) dress from London, $30.
  
• A few random dresses, $15 each.
  
• A few jeans, $5-10 each.
  
• Some textbooks, $20-30 each.
  
• A whole bunch of stuffed animals, $2-$7 each.
• Various random items, from unopened makeup to used clothing to some issues of Vogue Knitting.
  

It probably doesn't sound like a lot, but it took over 120 lines to record it all, so probably about 200 items total. And it added up to an even more impressive amount: nearly $1000 (!!!)


Of course, if you're not moving, you're less likely to get rid of furniture. (Though the furniture you do get rid of will probably be a lot nicer than ours.) But those fancy dresses you never wear anymore? The $60 shoes that are gorgeous but hurt you to wear? You may be surprised just how quickly it all adds up.


It's just the dribs-and-drabs effect in action.

By the numbers: Frugality means math

Photo by Jekert Gwapo

It's a basic fact: Frugality tends to require that you deal with numbers. Whether you're building a budget or shopping sales, you have to be number-savvy to really get the best deal.


Comparison shopping

Most frugal people don't just randomly buy big-ticket items. While the definition of "big ticket" may vary, the comparison shopping tends to be a constant throughout the frugal population.


Some people still prefer to go store to store. But the majority of us probably do the work online. I like it because it allows me to read up on the products, read consumer reviews, compare different models and compare prices. I can even use sites like Yahoo! Shopping to find which stores have low prices on the product.


Online shopping definitely involves some math. When you're perusing prices you have to take several things into account: basic price, cost of shipping, cash-back offers and sales tax. When I comparison shop, I take all of these into account in order to figure out what the end cost would be. (The sales tax is a particularly big issue, since in Seattle it's 9.5 percent.)



Grocery shopping


Groceries create a huge need for numbers know-how. Looking at the overall picture, you have to stay within budget, which requires an awareness of what you're spending and how much it will leave you.


It's also important when comparing deals. For example, I need to buy some new sunblock. Rite Aid is offering "Buy one, get one half-off." Walgreens is offering a $10 Register Reward when you buy 2 bottles of certain sunscreen. I needed to do the math to figure out which was the better deal. (Rite Aid. The initial outlay is less. Plus Tim and I don't buy anything that's $10 or more at Walgreen's, so the RR would go to waste.)


Finally, and perhaps most importantly, you need math to know when you're getting a good deal. Sales can be deceiving, especially as more stores take up the trend of offering discounts on purchases from specific lines. Albertson's is fond of the "Buy $X of these items, get $Y off."


Sure, it could be a good deal, but you won't know until you do the math. You might be surprised by just how minimal the savings turns out to be. I find this is particularly true when the prices are too high anyway -- at least, in my opinion. Things like Fiber One bars can be 50 cents to $1 off, and I might have a coupon that gets me another 40 cents off. But when the price starts around $4.99 for 5 bars, that's still a little steep for me.


So when I make up grocery lists, I do the math, then I go one step further. I note the sale price along with the final price, after discounts and coupons. This way, I know exactly what I'm paying and how good the deal is.


If nothing else, it can give you a sense of accomplishment or triumph, when you see just how little you'll be paying for each product. I certainly felt smug today when I walked out of Albertson's with 9 boxes of cereal for $12.




Rewards Programs

I love my rewards programs: Swagbucks, Memolink, MyPoints and Ebates. But when you're making an online purchase, it can be confusing to try and choose among them. Some offer cash back, others offer points. And each points site requires a different amount for redemption. No matter how you try to compare them, you're likely to get a headache.


I ran across this recently, when I was stocking up on a sale. The Body Shop was offering a buy-one-get-one-half-off sale on body butters. So two $20 butters would come to $30. Ebates offered me 5% back on my purchase. MyPoints offered me 3 points per dollar.


I realized that the best way to choose was the find a common denominator. I decided to use gift cards. After all, it's the only thing that MyPoints offers, and you can also use cash to buy GCs. Just for clarity's sake, I chose the $60 per order figure because that is how much you have to order to get free shipping.

	MyPoints	Ebates
Reward	3 pts/$1	5%
Order amt	$60	$60
Rwd Rec'd	180	$3
$10 GC	1,450	$10
Percent	12%	30%
$25 GC	3,500	$25
Percent	5%	12%
$50 GC	6,350	$50
Percent	3%	6%

Looking at the table, it's pretty clear that Ebates is the hands-down winner. Even in MyPoints' best scenario ($50 GC), I'd still be getting only half of what Ebates offers me. And it's in cash, which is a good factor to consider.


I actually took this a step further. When I shop online, I spend $60+ to get free shipping. I also get cash back. When I shop in the store, I get rewards points: 1 point if you spend $20, 2 points if you spend $50. When you get to 4 points, you get $15 off any item; at 8 points, you get $25 off.


I wanted to compare the scenarios and see which way was cheaper. Was it cheaper to go online and spend $60+ but get cash back? Or was it more frugal to buy $50 of product in the store?


In these scenarios, I added Face Protectors to the order. Tim runs through them about as quickly as the body butters. It turned out that I saved $12 going online and came away with an extra item. It's amazing what you learn when you do the math!


What are some ways you use math to stay frugal?

Mixed marriages: When savers and spenders unite

Picture by Francis Carnauba

Forget religious and cultural differences, the fastest way to relationship problems is a gap in financial outlooks. The most obvious example is when a frugal person marries a spender, but problems can exist when the partners are simply different levels of frugal. Whoever is more frugal will probably consider the other to be something of a spender.

Sometimes, though, it's simply a case of different priorities. Some people believe in pure self-denial until debt is erased; others want to enjoy the present while pummeling debt. Of course, sometimes it really is a case of saver vs spender.


At least, that's how I felt with Tim for a long time. He was a spender being converted to frugality; I grew up being careful with money. It seemed only natural that I become CFO of the relationship. I was happy to take care of paying bills and scheduling debt payments, but there was one major aspect of the job that gave me pause: reconciling our different approaches toward money.

Even today, Tim's attitude is more inclined to spend -- which is not always a bad thing. He finds ways to save or, at least, not to spend. But if it comes down to missing out on a good experience, he is more likely to consider both sides. I, on the other hand, am more inclined toward self-abnegation.

We have, over the last three years, started to balance each other out. Even two years ago, Tim wouldn't have even stopped to consider forgoing fun. Now, he's more likely to really think it through. This, in turn, helps me to know that when he lobbies for us to spend money, it's probably pretty important to him.

Wherever you all on the frugality spectrum, one thing is pretty obvious: Money is an explosive issue. According to my therapist, it's the second most common argument in marriages. (Kids are the first.) That statistic certainly makes sense to me.

Money is how we get through this world and our lives. It determines things as basic as if we can feed and clothe ourselves. (And how well we do it.) To many, it measures success and failure; happiness and misery. Money is also one of the main was we define ourselves: either by what we can buy with it -- all the latest toys, fashion and baubles -- or by how much we consciously choose not to spend.

Of course, the major problem is that we rarely fall in love with people with the exact same financial outlook. (If you found one, congratulations and hang on for dear life!) So, when faced with disparate outlooks on finances, how do you come up with a plan you can both stick to?

Paid Twice discusses this in a recent post. She makes a lot of good points, particularly about compromise. She also touched on a very important one: transparency. Even if you take care of all financial matters, it's best, she advises, to sit down with your partner. Go over basic plans, actions and goals. What's more, comb through the nitty, gritty details, so your partner can see where the money goes. That's what helped her marriage.

I think this advice is spot on. Your partner needs to know that your rules are't arbitrary. Then both parties will understand why rules are in place, what purpose they serve. I would add that it's a good opportunity to make sure that both parties are happy with current goals and priorities. Sometimes it's good to have short-term goals, as well as long-term ones. (Though, of course, that's spoken as someone who believes in small indulgences to avoid overall frugal burnout.)


In addition, I would strongly recommend Liz Pulliam Weston's piece Get Real: Marriage is a Business. It's not exactly romantic. To some, it may even seem a little too hard-hearted. But I think the divorce rate would be lower if more people took these steps before they said "I do." To quote, briefly, from the article:

Love does not conquer all. If you and your soul mate can't figure out how
to paddle in the same direction, you'll wind up going in financial circles or --
to extend the metaphor painfully -- down the drain.

This advice could save a lot of relationships. As Tim and I learned -- Well, scratch that. Let's be honest: As I learned, the key to any good relationship is compromise. I always knew it in theory, but when it comes to frugality, I'm rigid as a... er... very rigid item. (Give me a break, folks, it's Sunday. My brain still has a whole 24 hours off!)

At any rate, that's a story for another day. Probably a day later this week...

When is it time to cull the budget?

Photo by Jeff Keen

On Thursday, I talked about the fact that there should be distinctions among the various non-necessary expenses. Right now, they're all considered "luxuries" or "wants." But some items are more dear to us than others. (Thanks to Revanche for supplying me with the term "luxureeds" in the comments section of Thursday's post!)


So, when we start the debt reduction process -- or even just begin living more frugally -- we assess our expenses. We trim out the absolute expendable stuff. We try to keep desirable luxuries (ie, eating out or buying clothes) to a minimum. And slowly we begin to make progress.


Still, budgets are made to be tweaked. So at what point do we take it upon ourselves to reassess our priorities? When do we question what we need, what we want and what we can afford? In short, when is it time to cull your budget?


Many of us have basic budget allotments each month. Personally, I do a week-by-week budget because a) Tim gets his unemployment checks weekly, b) we have so many costs it's easier to break them down and c) it keeps us from spending all available funds at the beginning of the month. Whether you go month to month, week to week or even day to day, the real question remains: How often do you review your budget?


We're not just talking about updating for new expenses or triumphantly lowering the amount of old ones after a successful attempt to decrease your bills. This is the sort of thing that should be an ongoing effort or, at the very least, something that you do at the start of each budget cycle.


I guess I'm wondering how folks handle the more thorough budget scrutiny. Do you sit down and really think through your necessities, luxureeds and flat-out luxuries? Do you make an effort to slowly pare down further? In other words, is there a defining moment when you realize your current effort isn't enough?


I know that some PF bloggers have trial periods. Frugal Dad and his wife decided to try living without expanded cable. After one year, they talked and evaluated whether to continued. (In the end, they reinstated the cable, but it was more for the kids than the adults.) Others try to treat it like a game. They are always trying to find a new savings route: a new savings method, a new attempt to lower expenses, a new item they can live without.


So, for you, is budget scrutiny an ongoing thing? Is it a constantly simmering back burner in your head? Or do you and your spouse schedule times to evaluate budgetary issues? Or is it simply spotaneous, as you find inspiration through blogs, friends' anecdotes or bits of news?